Superior Jokes / Recent Jokes

Reasons why a normal Car is a far superior vehicle than a F1 Car"Hundreds of people and tens of millions of dollars go into building an F1 car, but a normal car is a far superior vehicle. You wonder what goes through those guys' minds when design their cars. THEY'RE ALL WRONG!!!" No door... I mean, people have to climb in. Actually, ANYBODY can climb in and steal it. Pffft! No roof... The people who drive these things are left open to the elements. Like, even convertible cars have something you can pull over your head. No radio (AM and FM), no cassette nor CD player... how boring it must be to drive in those things for close to two hours without having anything to listen to. No heating... Being left open to the elements, the drivers' toes must become very cold after a while. No coffee cup holder... Those guys can spill all the hot (and dangerous stuff) over themselves. What with them steering with one hand and trying to drink with the other. No ashtrays and electric more...

Two Scottish nuns had just arrived to the US by boat when one said to the other, "I heard that the occupants of this country actually eat dogs." "Odd," her companion replied, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do." Nodding emphatically, the mother superior pointed to a hot dog vendor and they both walked towards it." Two dogs, please," said one. The vendor was only too pleased to oblige and he wrapped both hot dogs in foil. Excited, the nuns hurried over to a bench and began to unwrap their' dogs.'The mother superior was first to open hers, then, stared at it for a moment, leaned over to the other nun and whispered cautiously, "What part did you get?"

A nun went to her Mother Superior and asked her to hear a confession. "Mother, today I experienced the pleasures of the flesh. Father Saunders came to me and told me I had the gates to Heaven between my legs. He then told me he had the key to Heaven and put it in the gates."
"Why that lying bastard!" the Mother Superior screamed. "For years he has told me it was Gabriel's trumpet and I've been blowing it!"

The contemplative routine of the convent was being disrupted by the presence of workmen converting the electrical service from overhead lines to buried cable. Mother Superior called the electric company's complaint department to ask for help.

'The profanity these men use constantly is unsuitable for our community. You must make them stop cursing so much.', said the nun.

'Very well, sister. But you must make allowances for their habits. Even when they are trying to be tactful, they will still tend to call a spade a spade.', said the company spokeswoman.

Mother superior then observed,' I think the term they actually use is' %#$&*%$ shovel''.

A nun in the convent walked into the bathroom where mother superior was taking a shower. "There is a blind man to see you," she says. "Well, if he is a blind man, than it does not matter if Im in the shower. Send him in."The blind man walks into the bathroom, and mother superior starts to tell him how much she appreciates him working at the convent for them. She goes on and on and 10 minutes later the man interrupts: "Thats nice and all, maam, but you can put your clothes on now. Where do you want me to put these blinds?

There were 101 nuns in a convent, Mother Superior and 100 Sisters. One sunday, all of the nuns were kept in after praying. Mother Superior stood before them and announced that there had been a MAN in the convent last night.
99 Nuns went "
Oh no!"
1 Nun went "
Tee Hee Hee!"
Mother Superior then went on say that a condom had been found in the corridor.
99 Nuns went "
Oh NO!!"
1 Nun went "
Tee Hee Hee!!"
Then, with a smug smirk upon her face, Mother Superior said: "
There was a hole in the condom."
1 Nun went "
OH NO!!!"
99 Nuns went "
Tee Hee Hee!!!"

Have you ever wanted to talk about a girl but was afraid that you
would offend the person standing near you?... NOT. Well, if you are, then
here are some alternatives to some popular phrases.
I found them on a poster, but I don't remember which one.
She is not: An airhead
She is: Reality Impaired
She is not: A Bleached Blond
She is: Peroxide Dependant
She is not: A babe or chick
She is: A Breasted American
She does not have: Major league hooters
She is: Pectorally Superior
She does not have: A Great Tan
She is: Pigmentally Enhanced
You do not want to: Score or pick her up
You want to: Attempt a Horizontal Encounter
She is not: A perfect 10
She is: Numerically Superior
She does not have: A great butt
She has: A Superior Posterior
If she does not want to get: Married or hitched
She does not want: Domestic Incarceration
She is not: Half naked
She is: Wardrobe more...