Survived Jokes / Recent Jokes
Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship,
they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect.
One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car
(a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of
the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.
There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any
children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into
their vehicle. soon they were driving along delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the
driving conditions deteriorated andthe perfect couple and Santa Claus had an
accident. Only one of them survived the accident.
Who was the survivor? (Scroll down for the more...
Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect.
One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.
There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident.
Only one of them survived the accident. Who was the survivor? (Scroll down for the answer.)
The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. more...
It is with the saddest heart that I must pass on the following news.
Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.
Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, Little Debbie, and Captain Crunch.
The gravesite was piled high with flours.
Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very "smart" cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still, as a crusty old man, was considered a roll model for more...
When I was a little boy, my family did not have a lot of money.
My father had a reasonably well paying job, but with four kids and
a dog, money was often tight. This is not to say that we were
deprived or unhappy. Our family did many activities together, but
our favorite was camping, which we did year-round, blazing heat or
freezing cold.
It was a great site to see the whole clan scrambling to get every-
thing together for a weekend trip. The whole family then piled
into our Chevy station wagon with a dog bigger than the three
smallest children put together. Dad would then tie down our
trusty tent to the top of the Chevy and off we would go.
Our tent was amazing in and of itself. It was an army surplus
tent, large enough for the whole family plus dog. It had survived
though rainstorms, snowstorms, and windstorms. It had twice been
uprooted from its stakes in high winds. (Makes me wonder why we
went camping in more...
An Englishman was flying across the Pacific on Delta/Northwest
and decided he had to go to the bathroom. So he got up and started
walking down the aisle, but just as he passed the plane door it
malfunctioned, opened and he was sucked out.
Miraculously he survived landing in the water and saw a tropical
island nearby. He swam to it, certain that he would soon be rescued.
However, fifteen years passed and no one came to his rescue.
Fortunately there was a spring on the island and he survived on
coconuts and fish.
Finally one day, as he was drawing sand pictures at the beach, he sees
a woman in a trim-fitting scuba outfit emerge from the ocean. She is
beautiful! She says, "Are you Fred Quimby?" He says, "Why yes I am."
"Congratulations, I am from Rescue Inc., and we have been attempting
to find you since you were lost. Now tell me, how long has it been
since you've had a smoke?"
"Well, of more...
Dear Friend, It is with the saddest heart that I pass on the following news. Please join me in remembering a great icon - the veteran Pillsbury Spokesman. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies and Captain Crunch. The gravesite was piled high with flours. Long time friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very "smart" cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still, as a crusty old man, was considered a roll model for millions. Toward the end it was thought he more...