Suzie Jokes / Recent Jokes

Little Johnny was sitting on the bench in the park. Suzie comes along chomping on her bubblegum. Suzie asked, "You wanna play doctor?" Johnny replied, "NO, that too old fashioned. Spit out you gum, I wanna play president."

Suzie had a crush on Mikey since she was 15-years-old. Mikey never paid Suzie any attention. Every year, Suzie would try to get Mikey to notice her, but he just wasn't interested. Finally, when Suzie turned 18, she began to come of age, and sure enough, Mikey noticed. Suzie looked so pretty and grown-up, that Mikey asked her for a date for a Friday night.

She was so excited all that week and she could hardly wait for Friday. As soon as she got home from school on Friday, Suzie began getting ready for her date at 7. She spent four hours on her clothes, hair and make-up, wanting everything to be perfect for the night she had waited years for.

Finally, 7 pm came around. Looking out the window, she saw Mikey pull up in his shiny black car. She became so nervous and excited, that she opened the door before he even got to it. "Hi Mikey!" she said, nervous as a cat. Mikey replied, "Suzie you look beautiful!" Suzie was so pleased when she walked out more...

Suzie's mother sent her to the store to buy diapers for the new baby. "That'll be eight dollars for the diapers," said the clerk, "and thirty cents for the tax."

"Oh, we don't use tacks," said Suzie. "When my mother changes the baby, she just fastens them with pins."

Bill pilled up a stool at his favorite bar and announced, "My wife Suzie must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man!" "What makes you say that?" the bartender inquired. "Last week," Bill explained, "I had to take a couple of sick days from work. Suzie was so thrilled to have me around that every time the milkman and the post office guy came by, she'd run down the driveway, waving her arms and hollering, 'My old man's home! My old man's home!'"

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.

First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."

Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said. Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on little Johnny. "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, "Oh that's beautiful, just beautiful!"

Suzie went to her psychiatrist because she was having severe problems with her sex life. The psychiatrist asked her many questions, but did not seem to be getting a clear picture of her problems. Finally he asked,? Do you ever watch your husband?s face while you?re having sex??? Well, yes, I did once.?? Well, how did he look??? Very angry.? At this point the psychiatrist felt that he was really getting somewhere and he said,? Well Suzie, that?s very interesting, we must look into this further. Now tell me, you say that you have only seen your husband?s face once during sex; that seems somewhat unusual; how did it occur that you saw his face that time??? He was looking through the window at us.?

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word beautiful in the same sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with," My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." " Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael." My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said." Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on little Johnny." Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said,' Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!'"