Grammar Jokes

1) Pretend to be one of the Bush family. Doesn't matter which.
2) Have an uncontrollable lusting for someone new every five minutes.
3) Pretend to be from different ethnic backgrounds every hour, and when people ask you about it, answer like a hillbilly would.
4) Act like a hillbilly. Period.
5) Improvise Italian operas.
6) Gossip about someone to their face.
7) Answer every question with a question.
8) Repeat yourself constantly.
9) Act like a member of the opposite sex.
10) Repeat yourself constantly.
11) Act like Mr. Flanders from The Simpsons.
12) Repeat yourself constantly.
13) Change what you repeat every now and then.
14) Use homonyms in your e-male that the spell cheque would knot sea as miss steaks.
15) Change what you repeat every now and then.
16) Talk to someone while looking at somebody else.
17) Employ in your casual banter extensive vocabulary that will befuddle thy contemporaries.
18) Change what you more...

Q: How many internet mail list subscribers does it take to change a light bulb? A: 1, 3311 to change the light bulb and to post on the mailing list that the light bulb has been changed. 14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently. 7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs. 27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs. 53 to flame the spell checkers. 156 to write to the list administrator complaining about the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail list. 41 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames. 109 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and to please take this email exchange to alt. lite. bulb203 to demand that cross posting to alt. grammar, alt. spelling and alt. punctuation about changing light bulbs be stopped. 111 to defend the posting to this list saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to more...

Knock Knock
Who's there!
Grammar!
Grammar who!
Grammar is in the Old People's Home! Knock Knock
Who's there!
Grammar!
Grammar who!
Grammar crackers. Pretty crummy!

Q: How many internet mail list subscribers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Exactly five hundred.

1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that the light bulb has been changed.

7 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently or to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

17 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.

21 to flame the spell checkers.

49 to write to the list administrator complaining about the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail list.

20 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames.

32 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and to please take this email exchange to alt. lite. bulb.

69 to demand that cross posting to alt. grammar, alt. spelling and alt. punctuation about changing light bulbs be more...

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the
teacher asked for a show of hands for who could use the word
"beautiful" in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with,
"My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked
beautiful in it."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then
called on little Michael.
"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it
turned out beautifully," he said. "Excellent, Michael!"
Then, the teacher called on little Johnny.
"Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told
my father that she was pregnant, and he said,' Beautiful,
fucking beautiful!'"