Swim Jokes / Recent Jokes

A 56-year-old American athlete has become the first woman on record to swim the Atlantic. Unfortunately, she had to swim right back because she forgot her purse.

...when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink." They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female, "Let's swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore." At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. Look", she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen."

Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man started to scream for help. A trout fisherman ran up.

The man said, "My wife is drowning and I can't swim. Please save her. I"ll give you a hundred dollars."

The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore. Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said, "Okay, where's my hundred?"

The man said, "Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law."

The fisherman reached into his pocket and said, "Just my luck. How much do I owe you?"

While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft.

Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,"Are there any gators around here?!"

"Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!"
"Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore.

About halfway there he asked the guy,"How'd you get rid of the gators?"

"We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said.

"The sharks got' em."

There was a blonde, burnette, and a redhead were stranded on an island. they figured out that the island was 100 meters from the shore. The burnette thought she could swim there, so she swam 15 meters and then got tired and sank.
The red head also tried to swim there, but only got to 17 meters before she got tired and sank.
The blonde also swam. She swam FIFTY meters before she got tired. After she got tired, she swam the 50 meters back to the island.

There was a blonde, sitting in a rowboat, out in the middle of a huge field. She kept screaming "HELP."
Another blonde happen to be driving by in her car and heard the first blonde yelling for help, so she pulled over to the side of the road to see what was wrong.
She yelled to the blonde sitting in the boat and asked her what was wrong.
The blonde in the boat replied, "I lost the oars and don't know how to get out of here. Can you help me?"
The second blonde replied, "I would but I can't swim!"

What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air? A seahorse!