Swimming Jokes / Recent Jokes

If the pen is mightier than the sword, in a duel I'll let you have the pen!

What do batteries run on?

Are there any questions?

I was cleaning out my closet and I found a swim suit that I had made out of sponges. I remember one time when I wore it. When I got out of the swimming pool nobody could go swimming until I came back.

I bought one of those little glass ball things with the snow in it. You know, you turn it upside down then you turn it back and it starts to snow. I bought one, except this has a snow plow that does it in rows.

[Later] I bought one of those little glass ball things with the snow in it... Just checking.

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.

Why is it, "A penny for your thoughts," but, "you have to put your two cents in?" Somebody's making a penny.

My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a more...

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink. They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female "lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore." At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look", she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen."

Height of generosity Did you hear about the sardarji who is so rich he has two swimming pools, one of which is always empty? It's for people who can't swim!

The weather was very hot and this man wanted desperately to take a dive in a nearby lake. He didn't bring his swimming outfit, but who cared? He was all alone. So he undressed and got into the water.
After some delightful minutes of cool swimming, a pair of old ladies walked onto the shore in his direction. He panicked, got out of the water and grabbed a bucket lying in the sand nearby. He held the bucket in front of his private area and sighed with relief.
The ladies got nearby and looked at him. He felt awkward and wanted to move.
Then one of the ladies said, "You know, I have a special gift, I can read minds."
"Impossible', said the embarrassed man,' You really know what I think?"
"Yes", the lady replied, "Right now, I bet you think that the bucket you're holding has a bottom."

While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,

'Are there any gators around here?'

'Naw,' the man hollered back,' they ain't been around for years!' Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy,' How'd you get rid of the gators?'

'We didn't do nothin',' the beachcomber said.' Really?' said the tourist. The beachcomber added,' The sharks got' em.'

A man in a swimming pool was on the very top diving board. He poised, lifted his arms, and was about to dive when the attendant came running up, shouting, "Dont dive? theres no water in that pool!" "Thats all right," said the man. "I cant swim!"

A family of whales was swimming around on a nice day. Suddenly a boat with harpooners came and killed the baby whale. A few years went by and the same boat came around again. When the father whale saw it, he said that they should pay those bastards back for killing their son. He turned to the wife and said "lets go under the boat and blow as hard as we can then tip the boat over." The wife agreed, so they went under the boat and blew as hard as they could and tipped the boat over. They went back to the top adn saw all of the men swimming to rafts and grabbing life jackets. THe dad whale says "We didnt do enough to them to pay them back, lets go eat some of them now." THe wife said "now hold on a minute I agreed to the blow job but I'm not going to swallow any sea men."