Swiss Jokes / Recent Jokes

Apparently not all Swiss are friendly, neutral, cocoa swigging, watch makers. Some of them are bovine badasses. Swiss cows have been getting pissy with the local hikers. The hikers have been warned not to hug the cows. “Don’t caress them. Don’t wave a stick at them. Don’t even look them in the eye”, said Evelyn Zaugg of the Swiss Hiking Federation, “And what ever you do, don’t try to milk them, they’re bulls.”

In Heaven:

The cooks are French, The policemen are English, The mechanics are German, The lovers are Italian, The bankers are Swiss.In Hell:

The cooks are English, The policemen are German, The mechanics are French, The lovers are Swiss, The bankers are Italian.In Computer Heaven:

The management is from Intel, The design and construction is done by Apple, The marketing is done by Microsoft, IBM provides the support, Gateway determines the pricing.In Computer Hell:

The management is from Apple, Microsoft does design and construction, IBM handles the marketing, The support is from Gateway, Intel sets the price.

In Heaven:

The cooks are French,
The policemen are English,
The mechanics are German,
The lovers are Italian,
The bankers are Swiss.

In Hell:

The cooks are English,
The policemen are German,
The mechanics are French,
The lovers are Swiss,
The bankers are Italian.


In Computer Heaven:

The management is from Intel,
The design and construction is done by Apple,
The marketing is done by Microsoft,
IBM provides the support,
Gateway determines the pricing.

In Computer Hell:

The management is from Apple,
Microsoft does design and construction,
IBM handles the marketing,
The support is from Gateway,
Intel sets the price.

Kid: Mom, can i get the hot lunch tomorrow?
Mom: What are they serving?
Kid: Swiss steak. Pleeeeeease?
Mom: Okay! Okay! I didn't know you liked Swiss steak so much.
Kid: Oh, yeah! It sticks to the ceiling WAY better than the lasagna.

International Travellers Bloopers1. On a French passenger jet: Live West Under Your Seat. 2. In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable. 3. In a Belgrade hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk. 4. In an Athens hotel: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 a. m. daily. 5. In a Yugoslav hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid. 6. In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid. 7. In the lobby of a Moscow hotel, across from a Russian monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily except Thursday. 8. In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension (???). 9. In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today: no ice cream. 10. On the menu of a more...

Heaven is...
when the French are the cooks, the Italians are the lovers, the British are the police, the Germans are the mechanics and the Swiss run the hotels.
Hell is...
when the British are the cooks, the Swiss are the lovers, the Italians are the mechanics, the French run the hotels and the Germans are the police.

Heaven is...
when the French are the cooks,
the Italians are the lovers,
the British are the police,
the Germans are the mechanics
and the Swiss run the hotels.
Hell is...
when the British are the cooks,
the Swiss are the lovers,
the Italians are the mechanics,
the French run the hotels
and the Germans are the police.