Swiss Jokes / Recent Jokes
A Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Englishmen were waiting.
"Entschuldigung, sprechen Sie Deutsches?" he asks.
The Englishmen just stare at him.
"M'excusez-vous, parlez-vous fran
The stockings are hung on the chimney
And the presents are under the tree
And mama's in the kitchen making some herbal tea
The windows are covered with frost
The candles are all alight
But as I wander through this quiet house
Something just doesn't seem right
You see, every year the neighbors bring us
A Swiss Colony beef log
But the neighbors aren't around
There's no beef log to be found
this year Christmas isn't Christmas
Without a Swiss Colony beef log
Without those cheeses and meats
I don't know how I'll get along
-- from the South Park Christmas cd,
"Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics"
A Swiss guy, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting. "Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks.
The two Americans just stare at him.
"Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries.
The two continue to stare.
"Parlare Italiano?" No response. "Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still nothing. The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted.
The first American turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language."
"Why?" says the other. "That guy knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good."
"I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was -'You'll never find anyone like me again!'I'm thinking,' I should hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you?'"Relationships are hard. It's like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp." "A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket.'You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone,' I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too." "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait." "Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork. I'm sorry, what was that last one?? Don't eat pork. God has spoken. Is that the word of God more...
A Swiss guy, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Englishmen are waiting.
"Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he says. The two Englishmen just stare at him.
"Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" The two continue to stare.
"Parlare Italiano?" No response.
"Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still nothing.
The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first Englishman turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language...."
"Why?" says the other, "That bloke knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good."
FUNNY ENGLISH NOTICES AROUND THE WORLD!
Here are some signs and notices written in English that were
discovered throughout the world. You have to give the writers an
'E' for Effort. We hope you enjoy them.
In a Tokyo Hotel:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a
person to do such thing is please not to read notis.
In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we
regret that you will be unbearable.
In a Leipzig elevator:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin
should enter more persons, each one should press a number of
wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by
national order.
In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.
In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between more...