Swung Jokes / Recent Jokes

A little boy was overheard talking to himself as he strutted through the backyard, wearing his baseball cap and toting a ball and bat, "I'm the greatest hitter in the world," he announced. Then, he tossed the ball into the air, swung at it, and missed. "Strike One!" he yelled. Undaunted, he picked up the ball and said again,"I'm the greatest hitter in the world!" He tossed the ball into the air. When it came down he swung again and missed. "Strike Two!" he cried. The boy then paused a moment to examine his bat and ball carefully. He spit on his hands and rubbed them together. He straightened his cap and said once more, "I'm the greatest hitter in the world!" Again he tossed the ball up in the air and swung at it. He missed. "Strike Three!" "Wow!" he exclaimed. "I'm the greatest pitcher in the world.

One day a priest was playing baseball. A nun was cheerleading near first base.

The priest was up to bat. The pitcher threw the ball. The priest swung, missed, and said "Dammit!
I missed!"

"Don't you say that mister or God will strike you with a bolt of lightning," the nun said.

Again the pitcher threw the ball. The priest swung, missed, and said "Dammit!
I missed!"

"If you say that one more time mister, God will strike you with a bolt of lightning," the nun said.

Once again the pitcher threw the ball. The priest swung, missed, and said "Dammit! I missed!"

A bolt of lightning strikes the nun and God says "Dammit! I missed!"

A man was taking golf lessons one day. He swung the driver and hit it 150 yards.

"What did I do wrong?" he asked.

"Hold the club gently", said the pro." like you hold your wife's breasts."

The man took the advice and hit it 275 yards. That night he told his wife about the lesson.

The next day she went out for a lesson, too. She swung her driver and hit the ball about 50 yards.

"No, no, you're gripping it way too hard", said the pro.

"Hold the club like you would your husband's penis."

The woman took the advice and swung the club. WHUMP, she hit it 15 feet.

The pro said: "Now, try taking the club out of your mouth and hold it in your hands..."