Swung Jokes

One day a priest was playing baseball. A nun was cheerleading near first base.
The priest was up to bat. The pitcher threw the ball. The priest swung, missed, and said "Dammit!
I missed!"
"Don't you say that mister or God will strike you with a bolt of lightning," the nun said.
Again the pitcher threw the ball. The priest swung, missed, and said "Dammit!
I missed!"
"If you say that one more time mister, God will strike you with a bolt of lightning," the nun said.
Once again the pitcher threw the ball. The priest swung, missed, and said "Dammit! I missed!"
A bolt of lightning strikes the nun and God says "Dammit! I missed!"

One day a priest was playing baseball. A nun was cheerleading near first base.

The priest was up to bat. The pitcher threw the ball. The priest swung, missed, and said "Dammit!
I missed!"

"Don't you say that mister or God will strike you with a bolt of lightning," the nun said.

Again the pitcher threw the ball. The priest swung, missed, and said "Dammit!
I missed!"

"If you say that one more time mister, God will strike you with a bolt of lightning," the nun said.

Once again the pitcher threw the ball. The priest swung, missed, and said "Dammit! I missed!"

A bolt of lightning strikes the nun and God says "Dammit! I missed!"

One day three nuns all died on the same day and went to heaven. They
met St. Peter at the golden gates, and he said" you know there is a test
to get into heaven?" The nuns were a little shocked, but said O. K.
St. Peter asked the first nun, What was the name of the first man on
earth? The nun replied ADAM, and the bells rang and the angles sang
and the gates to heaven swung open. St. Peter asked the second nun,
What was the name of the first woman on earth? She replied EVE, and
the bells rang and the angles sang and the gates to heaven swung open.
St. Peter asked the third nun, What was Eves' first words. The third nun
looked a little puzzled, and than said "that's going to be hard' ' and the
bells rang and the angles sang and the gates to heaven swung open.

A magician was on stage doing his act, when he called for a volunteer from
the audience. A man volunteered and went up on stage. The magician told him
to pick up the 16 pound sledgehammer that was on stage next to a cement
block and break the block apart with the sledgehammer so the audience would
know the sledgehammer was real.

So, the man swung the sledgehammer with all his might and shattered the
cement block. The magician now told the man to hit him square in the face
with the sledgehammer.

Horrified, the man said, "No way. It'll probably kill you".

The magician insisted that the man hit him in the face, saying, "I'll be
fine. I promise you. Go ahead."

"Well,", the man replied, "Ok, here goes."

Again, the man swung the sledgehammer and aimed it at the magician's face.
The result was very bloody. The magician's nose was crushed, teeth fell
out more...

A little boy was overheard talking to himself as he strutted through the backyard, wearing his baseball cap and toting a ball and bat. "I'm the greatest hitter in the world," he announced.
Then, he tossed the ball into the air, swung at it, and missed.
"Strike One!" he yelled. Undaunted, he picked up the ball and said again, "I'm the greatest hitter in the world!" He tossed the ball into the air.
When it came down he swung again and missed. "Strike Two!" he cried.
The boy then paused a moment to examine his bat and ball carefully. He spit on his hands and rubbed them together.
He straightened his cap and said once more, "I'm the greatest hitter in the world!" Again he tossed the ball up in the air and swung at it. He missed. "Strike Three!"
"Wow!" he exclaimed. "I'm the greatest PITCHER in the world!"