Cap Jokes

Three baseball fans were on their way to a game when one noticed a foot sticking out of the bushes by the side of the
road.

They stopped and discovered a nude female dead drunk.
Out of respect and propriety the Cubs fan took off his cap and placed it over her right breast.
The Red Sox fan took off his cap and placed it over her left breast. Following their lead the Yankee fan took off his cap and placed it over her crotch.

The police were called and when the officer arrived he
conducted his inspection. First he lifted up the Cubs cap
replaced it and wrote down some notes. Next he lifted the
Sox cap replaced it and wrote down some more notes.

The officer then lifted the Yankees cap replaced it then lifted it again replaced it lifted it a third time and replaced it one last time.

The Yankee fan was getting upset and finally asked What
are you a pervert or something? Why do you keep lifting and
looking more...

1. You've ever cut your grass and found a car. 2. You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't. 3. You think the stock market has a fence around it. 4. Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in-Theater. 5. You've ever lost a loved one to kudzu. 6. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years. 7. You own a homemade fur coat. 8. Chiggers are included on your list of top 5 hygiene concerns. 9. You burn your yard rather than mow it. 10. Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so Ican take a bath." 11. You refer to the time you won a free case of motor oil as "the day my ship came in." 12. You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen. 13. The Salvation Army declines your mattress. 14. You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen. 15. Your entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call fromthe Governor to spare a loved one. 16. Your grandmother has ever been asked to leave the bingo hallbecause of her language. 17. Someone more...

Judge:"So, You Drankthe Whole Bottle Of Liquor At One Sitting?" Culprit:"It Becameabsolutely Necessary, Your Honour"
Judge:"How's That?" Culprit:"Well, I Lost The Cap Of The Bottle."

Der next night vas Christmas
Der night it vas still
Der stockings ver hung
By der shimney to fill.
Nothing vas sturring
At all in der Haus
For fear dot St. Nicklaus
Vos nichts komm heraus.
Der shuldren vas tucked
Away in der betts
And Mama in her nacht gown
And I on ahead
Vas searching around
In her trunk for der toys
Ve krept round quiet
To not make der noise.
Now Mama was carrying
Der toys in her gown
Showing her person
Von up her vaist down.
Wenn as ve komm near
Der crib uff our boy
Our youngest, our sweetest
Our pride und our joy.
His eyes opened vider
As he peeked from his cot
And seen everything
Dot his Mutter has got.
But he didn't take notice
Der toys in her lap
But chust asked
"For who is dot lettle fur cap?"
His mudder said "Hush!"
And she laught mit delight
"I tink I give more...

Three baseball fans were on their way to a game when one noticed a foot sticking out of the bushes by the side of the road. They stopped and discovered a nude female dead drunk. Out of respect, the Cubs fan took off his cap and placed it over her right breast. The Red Sox fan took off his cap and placed it over her left breast. Following their lead, the Yankee fan took off his cap and placed it over her crotch. The police were called and when the officer arrived, he conducted his inspection. First, he lifted up the Cubs cap, replaced it, and wrote down some notes. Next, he lifted the Sox cap, replaced it, and wrote down some more notes. The officer then lifted the Yankees cap, replaced it, then lifted it again, replaced it, lifted it a third time, and replaced it one last time. The Yankee fan was getting upset and finally asked, "What are you, a pervert or something? Why do you keep lifting and looking, lifting and looking?" Well," said the officer. "I am simply more...