Cap Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three baseball fans were on their way to a game when one noticed a foot sticking out of the bushes by the side of the road.
They stopped and discovered a nude female dead drunk. Out of respect and propriety, the Cubs fan took off his cap and placed it over her right breast. The Red Sox fan took off his cap and placed it over her left breast. Following their lead, the Yankee fan took off his cap and placed it over her crotch.
The police were called and when the officer arrived, he conducted his inspection. First, he lifted up the Cubs cap, replaced it, and wrote down some notes. Next, he lifted the Sox cap, replaced it, and wrote down some more notes. The officer then lifted the Yankees cap, replaced it, then lifted it again, replaced it, lifted it a third time, and replaced it one last time.
The Yankee fan was getting upset and finally asked, "What are you, a pervert or something? Why do you keep lifting and looking, lifting and looking?"
Well," said more...

You might be a redneck if...

You've ever worn shorts to a funeral home.

You think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.

You've ever been too drunk to fish.

You've ever bought a used cap.

You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.

You've ever used a weedeater indoors.

Your momma tore her best dress coon hunting.

You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).

You look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet `Ms. Right'.

You have to go outside to get something out of the' fridge.

Why wont a witch wear a flat cap? Because theres no point in it.

There are three bees in a jar. A girl bee, and 2 guy bees!
One of the guy bees goes up to the girl bee and says:

"how do you get out of the jar?"
She says:
" fuck me and I will tell you"
so he does and she says:
" fly to the top of the jar really fast and knock the cap off"
and he does it hits his head and dies.
The next bee comes to her and asks:

"how do you get out of the jar?"
She says:
" fuck me and I will tell you"
so he does and she says:
" fly to the top of the jar really fast and knock the cap off"
and he does it hits his head and dies.
How did she get out of the jar?


fuck me and I'll tell you!!!!!!

Judge:"So, You Drankthe Whole Bottle Of Liquor At One Sitting?" Culprit:"It Becameabsolutely Necessary, Your Honour"
Judge:"How's That?" Culprit:"Well, I Lost The Cap Of The Bottle."

Two men are playing golf one day. As they are about to start one of the holes, a funeral procession goes by on the road beside the course. One of the golfers, Harry, takes off his cap and stands with his cap to his chest, and waits for the entire procession to go by. He then puts his cap back on and proceeds to tee off. "Gee Harry, that was a very nice gesture on your part. It was very thoughtful and respectful of you to do that," his friend says. "Well," Harry replies, "I was married to her for 30 years, it was the least I could do."

Two fellas are fishing in a boat under a bridge.

One looks up and sees a funeral procession starting across the bridge.

He stands up, takes off his cap, and bows his head.

The procession crosses the bridge and the man puts on his cap, picks up his rod and reel, and continues fishing.

The other guy says, "That was touching. I didn''t know you had it in you."

The first guy responds, "Well, I guess it was the thing to do - after all, I was married to her for 40 years."