Symptom Jokes / Recent Jokes

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Buy another beer.
SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth is not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to washroom, practice in mirror.
SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points towards ceiling.
SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand behind nearest dog, complain about her house training.
SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Buy another beer.
SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.
SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with flourescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have yourself lashed to the bar.
SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette more...

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.FAULT: Glass empty.ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.ACTION: Retire to gent's room, practice in mirror.SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.FAULT: Improper bladder control.ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about its house training. Demand beer.SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.SYMPTOM: Floor moving.FAULT: You are being carried out.ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.FAULT: You have fallen over backward.ACTION: Have yourself leashed to bar.SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.FAULT: You have fallen forward.ACTION: See above.SYMPTOM: more...

Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; shirt front is wet.
Fault: Mouth not open when drinking or glass being applied to wrong part of face.
Solution: Buy another pint and practice in front of a mirror. Continue with as many pints as necessary until drinking technique is perfect.
Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; Beer unusually pale and clear.
Fault: Glass is empty.
Solution: Find someone who will buy you another pint.
Symptom: Feet cold and wet.
Fault: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
Solution: Turn glass so that open end is pointing at ceiling.
Symptom: Feet warm and wet.
Fault: Loss of self-control.
Solution: Go and stand beside nearest dog - After a while complain to its owner about its lack of house training.
Symptom: Bar blurred.
Fault: You are looking through the bottom of your empty glass.
Solution: Find someone who will buy you another pint.
Symptom: Bar swaying.
Fault: more...

SYMPTOM: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction, beer is unusually pale and clear. FAULT: Glass empty. ACTION: Find someone who will buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction, and the front of your shirt is wet. FAULT: Mouth not open when drinking or glass applied to wrong part of face. ACTION: Buy another beer and practice in front of mirror. Drink as many as needed to perfect drinking technique.
SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet. FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle. ACTION: Turn glass other way up so that open end points toward ceiling.
SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet. FAULT: Improper bladder control. ACTION: Go stand next to nearest dog. After a while complain to the owner about its lack of house training and demand a beer as compensation.
SYMPTOM: Floor blurred. FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass. ACTION: Find someone who will buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM: Floor swaying. FAULT: Excessive air turbulence, more...

Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; shirt front is wet.
Fault: Mouth not open when drinking or glass being applied to wrong part of face.
Solution: Buy another pint and practice in front of a mirror. Continue with as many pints as necessary until drinking technique is perfected. Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; beer unusually
pale and clear.
Fault: Glass is empty.
Solution: Find someone who will buy you another pint. Symptom: Room is spinning.
Fault: Somebody is spinning your barstool.
Solution: Vomit on person doing the spinning. Symptom: Feet cold and wet.
Fault: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
Solution: Turn glass so that open end is pointing at ceiling. Symptom: Feet warm and wet.
Fault: Loss of self-control.
Solution: Go and stand beside nearest dog. After a while complain to its owner about its lack of house training. Symptom: Lap cool and wet.
Fault: Drooling on more...

Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and shirt front is wet.
Fault: Mouth not open when drinking or glass being applied to wrong part of face.
Solution: Buy another pint and practice in front of a mirror. Continue with as many pints as necessary until drinking technique is perfect.

Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and beer unusually pale and clear.
Fault: Glass is empty.
Solution: Find someone who will buy you another pint.


Symptom: Feet cold and wet.
Fault: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
Solution: Turn glass so that open end is pointing at ceiling.

Symptom: Feet warm and wet.
Fault: Loss of self-control.
Solution: Go and stand beside nearest dog. After a while complain to its owner about its lack of house training.

Symptom: Lap cool and wet.
Fault: Drooling on yourself.
Solution: Change position so that you are drooling on someone else.

Symptom: Bar more...

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.
SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.
SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have yourself leashed to bar.
SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.
SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.
SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM: Floor more...