Synagogue Jokes / Recent Jokes

Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary.
Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we will may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!"
Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.
An hour later Abe turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did ve pay our charity pledge cheque to ze Beth Shalom Synagogue yet?"
"No, sveetheart," she responds.
Abe, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, "Esther, did ve pay our United Jewish Appeal pledge?"
"Oiy, no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send ze cheque," she more...

A funeral service is being held in a Synagogue for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service the pall bearers are carrying the casket out, when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives for ten more years, and then dies. A ceremony is again held at the same Synagogue, and at the end of the ceremony, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they are walking down the aisle the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!!!"

(Heard this one from a minister at a pre-wedding party:)
A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the
street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they
decided to go in together to buy a car. So they did. They drove it
home and parked it in the street between their establishments.
A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw the priest sprinkling
water on their new car. It didn't need a wash, so he ran out and asked
the priest what he was doing. "I'm blessing it," the priest replied.
The rabbi replied "Oh," then he ran back into the synagogue. He
reappeared a few minutes later with a hack saw, ran to the car and cut
off the last 2 inches of the tailpipe.

Telling the future
Bush was very curious about how the Jewish people knew everything before he did. So he called the FBI and asked them to figure it out.
One week later they came back and said, "Mr. President, the Jews have something called shabbas. They meet each other at the synagogue and use a code. They sit, they pray, and there is a word that is the key to this secret. This word is `Nu?`. When one says to another, `Nu?` the other tells him everything, every bit of news."
Bush wanted to see this for himself. So the FBI dressed him like a Hassid and taught him to read from the right to the left of the siddur. Bush arrived at a synagogue on shabbas and sat beside Issy. He waited for a moment, and said, "Nu?"
Issy answered, "Shh, don’t talk now, Bush is coming."

A rabbi and a priest operated a synagogue and a church across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to purchase a car.
They bought the car, drove it home, and parked it on the street between them.
Several minutes later, the rabbi looked out and observed the priest sprinkling water on their new car. It didn't need a wash, so he rushed out and asked the priest what he was doing. "I'm blessing it," the priest explained.
The rabbi considered this a moment, then went back inside the synagogue. Reappearing a few moments later with a hacksaw, he promptly walked over to the back of the car and cut off two inches of the tailpipe.