Tank Jokes / Recent Jokes
A colleague, called Terry, told me this in the pub some time ago
He was asked by his neighbours to look after their flat whilst they were away for a four week cruise. They gave him a spare set of keys and their alarm system number and asked him to feed their tropical fish, kept in a large aquarium, and their cat. There was plenty of fish food and a whole cupboard full of Kit-e-Kat so all he needed to do was pop round once a day and feed the cat and the fish.
He did this regularly for the first week, but eventually he started staying in the pub late and having one drink too many and so completely forgot to check the flat out.
Finally, he got a phone call from his neighbour who said that their liner was due to dock at Southampton the next day and they would be back the day after and, by the way, how are the fish and the cat?
Lying blindly, he said that they were all fine, no problem at all and then rushed round to their flat as soon as he had hung up the phone.
As more...
Two nuns who were nursing sisters drove out to the country to check on an outpatient. On their way back, their car ran out of gas. As they were standing beside their car on the shoulder of the road, a truck approached them.
Noticing the nuns in distress, the trucker stopped and offered to help. When the nuns explained they had run out of gas, the trucker said he would be more than happy to drain some from his tank, but he didn't have a bucket or a can.
Hearing this, one of the nuns dug out a clean bedpan from the trunk and asked the trucker if it would do. He said it would and proceeded to drain a couple of quarts into the pan. He then handed the pan to the sisters, got back into his truck and waved goodbye.
While the nuns were carefully pouring the precious fuel into their gas tank, a cop happened by. He stopped and watched them for a few moments, then said, "Sisters, somehow I don't think that's going to work, but I sure do admire your faith!"
An Air Force cargo plane was preparing for departure from Thule Air Base in Greenland. They were waiting for the truck to arrive to pump out the aircrafts sewage holding tank. The Aircraft Commander was in a hurry, the truck was late in arriving, and the Airman performing the job was extremely slow in getting the tank pumped out. When the commander berated the Airman for his slowness and promised punishment, the Airman responded: "Sir, I have no stripes, it is 20 below zero, Im stationed in Greenland, and I am pumping sewage out of airplanes. Just what are you going to do to punish me?"
HAPPINESS IS...
Infantry: A good rifle
Cavalry: A big tank
Artillery: A loud boom
UPON HEARING FIREWORKS
Infantry: Cool, just like a live fire exercise
Cavalry: Not loud enough
Artillery: Fireworks? What fireworks?
OTHER TRADES
Infantry: Waste of rations
Cavalry: Waste of rations
Artillery: Waste of rations
IDEA OF FUN
Infantry: Not having to "pepper-pot" an entire grid square before the objective
Cavalry: Racing across a grid square on "full stab"
Artillery: Leveling a grid square
FAVOURITE SONG
Infantry: "Ballad of the Green Beret"
Cavalry: "Purple Haze"
Artillery: Anything, just play it LOUD!
BIGGEST LUXURY IN THE FIELD
Infantry: Engineers blowing trenches for them with C4
Cavalry: Grunts to dig their trenches for them
Artillery: Cable
A LONG ROUTE MARCH WITH FULL KIT
Infantry: 20 clicks
Cavalry: From the hangars to the tank
Artillery: more...
Super kadis
1)What is the similarity between krishna jayanthi and communism?
Kaal marks.(kaal - legs)
2)How do flies communicate?
eee-mail
3)What is the similarity between short circuit and poramai (jealousy)?
Wire-eriyarthu (stomach - burning)
4)What is the similarity between boxing and goddess kali?
Naak-out (naak is tounge)
Marana kadis (deadly jokes)
1. Deepavalikkum pongalukkum yennanga vithyaasam? ( what is the difference between deepavali and pongal)
Deepavali annikku pongal saapadalaam aana Pongal annikku Deppavaliy sapda mudiyaadhu. ( we can eat pongal during deepavali but on pongal we can't eat deepavali)
2. LIC oda 14th floorla sandhanam poosi yirukkanga. Yaen? (the 14th floor the famout LIC building in chennai had sandle paste on it, why? )
Yaenna adhu Mottai maadi.(Because it is mottai (bald) maadi (terrace))
3. Oru annanum thangachchiyum oadi varranga. Annan more...