Tanning Jokes

People who start using tanning beds before age 30 are 75 percent more likely to get cancer. They are also 40 percent more likely to be stopped by the police.

There was a male bodybuilder who was tanning. He was looking in a mirror naked one day, and noticed his penis wasn't tanned. He suddenly got an idea. He went to the beach, and covered himself with sand, except for his penis.

Two old ladies passed, and one said, Damn injustice! The other one said why.

The first one said:
- at 15 I was curious about it
- at 20, I got it constantly
- at 30 I asked for it
- at 40, I begged for it
- at 50, I paid for it
- at 60, I prayed for it
- at 70, I forgot about it

And at 80, they are growing wild, and I'm too young to squat!

An old mountain man in Arkansas was sick and bedridden. He had not been outdoors for a few weeks and had a sharp craving for a meal of wild squirrel. He summoned his half-idiot son into the room and instructed him to go squirrel hunting and bring him back a squirrel or two. He also told his son to be very careful not to shoot the squirrel in the head as he would need its brains later to "tan" the squirrel's pelt. (Tanning a skin using the animal's brains is a common practice in certain areas, it generally takes about one brain to tan one skin). The idiot son spent most of the day searching the woods for tree squirrels, but was not having any luck. Finally, high up in a sweet-gum tree, he spotted a squirrel's head sticking out from a hole. He remembered his Pa's admonitions to save the brains. After deciding he may not have another chance, he shot it in the head, thus ruining the brains. r His sick Pa was upset, "I can't tan that skin without no brains!" he said, more...