Tape Jokes / Recent Jokes
Tiger Woods reportedly fears a sex tape he made with one of his mistresses could be leaked online. The golfer and his PR team are allegedly working to down play any rumors of a sex tape in an effort to minimize damage to his reputation and marriage to Elin Nordegren.
What Reputation???
Gotlieb called his Rabbi and said, "I know tonight is Kol Nidre but tonight is the European Cup Final and my team is playing . I've got to watch the game on TV."
The Rabbi responds, "Gotlieb, that's what VCRs are for."
Gotlieb is surprised. "You mean I can tape Kol Nidre"?
#1 rule of a redneck-
If duck tape don't fix it (doubt it), mount it on the wall instead.
A blonde decides to do something wild she hasn't done before, so she sets out to rent her first x-rated adult video. She goes to the video store and, after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating. When she arrives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape into the VCR. To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video store to complain. "I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape but static." "Sorry about, that," replied the store clerk. "We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?" The blonde replied, "It's called 'Head Cleaner.'"
A blonde decides to do something wild she hasn't done before, so she sets out to rent her first x-rated adult video. She goes to the video store and, after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating. When she arrives home, she lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape into the VCR. To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video store to complain. "I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape but static." "Sorry about, that," replied the store clerk. "We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?" The blonde replied, "It's called 'Head Cleaner."'
A blonde decides to do something wild that she has never done before, so she goes out to rent her first x-rated adult video.
After looking around the video store for a while, she selects a title that sounds quite stimulating to her.
She rushes home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable and puts the tape into the VCR. Much to her disappointment, there's nothing on the tape but static, so she calls the video store to complain.
"I just rented a video from you," she grumbles, "and there's nothing on the tape but static."
"I'm sorry about that," the clerk replies. "We have had a problem with some of the tapes. Could you tell me which title you rented?"
"It's called 'Head Cleaner'!" replies the blonde.
Bring a blowhorn. Use it when you ask or answer a question.
Heckle the professor.
Hire a video crew to come to the class. If asked about it, say that you have to tape the lecture for a friend.
Bring a water gun. Shoot the professor when his back is turned.
Get the other students in your row to do the wave.
Bring a small chalkboard to class. Ask the professor if you can borrow his chalk to take notes.
Contradict everything the professor says. Offer irrefutable scientific proof.
If it's a math lecture, claim that the professor misspelled pi.
When the professor asks a question, raise your hand. If the professor calls on you, point to someone in the next row and say "He knows." Pick a different person each time.
Buy a doll. When you go to class, leave the doll in your chair, along with your notebook and pen. Say that you have an important meeting to go to, and that the doll will be taking notes for you.
Bring a typewriter. Use it to take more...