Tape Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. Gather presents, boxes, paper, etc. in middle of living room floor.
2. Get tape back from puppy.
3. Remove scissors from older dog's mouth.
4. Open box.
5. Take puppy out of box.
6. Remove tape from older dog's mouth.
7. Take scissors away from puppy.
8. Put present in box.
9. Remove present from puppy's mouth.
10. Put back in box after removing puppy from box.
11. Take scissors from older dog and sit on them.
12. Remove puppy from box and put on lid.
13. Take tape away from older dog.
14. Unroll paper.
15. Take puppy OFF box.
16. Cut paper being careful not to cut puppy's foot or nose that
is getting in the way as he "helps. 17. Let puppy tear remaining paper.
18. Take puppy off box.
19. Wrap paper around box.
20. Remove puppy from box & take wrapping paper from its mouth.
21. Tell older dog to fetch the tape so he will stop stealing it.
22. Take scissors away from more...

Hear about the guy who played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

The assignment given to a group of managers was to measure the height of a flagpole. They gathered the ladders and tape measures and headed to the flagpole to carry out their task. They weren't having much luck though, since they kept dropping the tape measures and falling off the ladders.
Observing what they were attempting to do, an engineer approached them and offered to help. He pulled the flagpole out of the ground, laid it down flat, measured it from one end to the other, gave the measurements to one of the managers and walked away.
After the engineer had gone, one of the managers turned to the others and said, "Well isn't that just like an engineer. We're looking for the height of the flagpole and he gives us the length."

There has ever been crime-scene tape on your front door.You burn your front yard rather than mow it.You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.Fewer than half of your cars run.You've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.The taillight covers of your car are made of tape.Your car has never had a full tank of gas.Any of your kids were conceived in a car wash.

I put a blank cassette tape in my tape stereo last night and turnedthe volume all the way up....the mime next door went nuts!

A group of managers were given the assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. So they go out to the flagpole with ladders and tape measures, and they're falling off the ladders, dropping the tape measures - the whole thing is just a mess.

An employee comes along and sees what they're trying to do, walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, measures it from end to end, gives the measurement to one of the managers and walks away.

After the employee has gone, one manager turns to another and laughs.' Isn't that just like an employee. We're looking for the height and he gives us the length.'

An old man in Mississippi is sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm.

"Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

"Roll of chicken wire."

"What you gonna do with that?"

"Gonna catch some chickens."

"You damn fool! You can't catch chickens with chicken wire!"

The boy just laughs and keeps walking. That evening at sunset, the boy comes walking by, dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it.

The next morning, the old man is out watching the sun rise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something in his hand. "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

"Roll of duct tape."

"What you gonna do with that?"

"Gonna catch me some ducks."

"You damn fool! You can't catch ducks with duct more...