Taxi Jokes / Recent Jokes

An Englishwoman and her young son were travelling in a taxi in New York. As they were driving through a rather seedy looking part of town, the boy became fascinated by the garishly made up women in short skirts and high heels who seemed to be accosting some of the men passing by.
“Mummy” the boy asked, “what are those ladies doing? ”
The mother, clearly embarassed by the question, replied: “I expect they’re lost and are asking people for directions”
The taxi driver overhead this and interrupted: “why not tell me boy the truth, those women are prostitutes. ”
The mother blushed more brightly at this remark but the boy wouldn’t let it go:
“What are prostitutes Mummy, are they like other women, do they have children too? ”
“Of course” the mother replied, “that’s where New York taxi drivers come from. ”

Two Yanks touring London in a taxi. What is that asked one of the Yank's. Why that is Buckingham Palace answered the taxi driver. Well you should see the states we have much bigger houses over there, and that. That is the Post Office Tower. Oh our towers are much bigger. This went on for much of the day until they went past a another building. Our buildings are much bigger than that one too. I thought it might be said the taxi driver, That is the mental institute

Morris walks out into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Dave."
"Who?"
"Dave Aronson. There's a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Dave."
"There are always a few clouds over everybody," says Morris.
"Not Dave. He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on the pro tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star."
"He was something, huh?"
"He had a memory like a trap. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which fork to eat with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and I black out the whole neighborhood."
"No wonder you remember him."
"Well, I never actually met Dave."
"Then how do you know more...

(A Certain Japanese Was Riding In A Taxi In India. Just Then A Lancer Overtook Them.)
Japanese-Look! Japanese Car, Very Fast.
(Then A Hero Honda Overtook Them)
Japanese-Look! Japanese Bike, Very Fast.
(Just Then They Reached Their Destination) Japanese-What? Hundred Rupees!
Taxi Driver-Japanese Meter Very Fast On Indian Roads.

A man and his wife were all ready to go out for the evening. They had gotten all dolled up, put the cat out and were just waiting for the taxi to arrive.
The taxi arrived, and as they walked out of their house, the cat ran back inside.
Not wanting their often rowdy cat to have free run of the house while they were out, the husband went back upstairs to chase the cat out.
The wife, not wanting it known that the house would be empty, explained to the taxi driver, "He won't be long. He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."
A few minutes later, the husband got into the cab and said, "Sorry I took so long. The stupid old thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!"

A nun walks into a taxi. The taxi drivers
says to the nun,"I have always wanted to
kiss a nun. Will you please kiss me?"
She says "I will if you are single and
Christian." So the the cab drivers says
,"Yes I'm Christian and single" So after
they kiss, the cab drivers says "well, i lyed
because i'm married and i'm jewish." So
the nun says "Oh thats ok, cause my
name is Kevin and i'm going to a
halloween party!"

It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol. Biting someone with your natural teeth is "simple assault", while biting someone with your false teeth is "aggravated assault".You may not tie an alligator to a fire hydrant.Mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches.Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked.An old ordinance declares goatees illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the privilege of wearing one in public.Taxi drivers are prohibited from making love in the front seat of their taxi during their shifts.It is illegal to gargle in public places. It illegal for a woman to drive a car unless her husband is waving a flag in front of it.