Taxi Jokes / Recent Jokes

You're so fat, when you went outside wearing a yellow dress everybody called "TAXI"

A couple was going out for the evening. The last thing they did was to put the cat out.The taxi arrived, and as the couple walked out of the house, the cat shoots back in. So the husband goes back inside to chase it out. The wife, not wanting it known that the house would be empty, explained to the taxi driver "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."A few minutes later, the husband got into the taxi and said, "Sorry I took so long, the stupid thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!"

Father O'Flannagan dies due to old age. Upon entering St.Peter's gate, there is another man in front, waiting to go into heaven. St. Peter asks the man, "What is your name what did you accomplish during your life?"
The man responds "My name is Joe Cohen, and I was a New York City Taxi driver for 14 years"
"Very well," says St. Peter, "Here is your silk robe and golden sceptre, now you may walk in the streets of our Lord."
St. Peter looks at the Father, and asks "What is your name and what did you accomplish?"
He responds, "I'm Father O'Flannagan, and have devoted the last 62 years to the Lord."
"Very well," says St. Peter, "Here is your cotton robe and wooden staff, you may enter."
"Wait a minute," says O'Flannagan, "You gave the taxi driver a silk robe and golden sceptre, why did I only get a cotton robe and wooden staff?"
"Well," St. Peter more...

According to inside contacts, the Japanese banking crisis shows no signs of ameliorating. If anything, it`s getting worse.

Following last week`s news that Origami Bank had folded, we are hearing that Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank plans to cut back some of its branches.

Karaoke Bank is up for sale and is (you guessed it!) going for a song.

Meanwhile, shares in Kamikaze Bank have nose-dived and 500 back-office staff at Karate Bank got the chop.

Analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank and staff there fear they may get a raw deal.

Made in JapanThere was a Japanese man who went to America for sightseeing.

On the last day, he hailed a cab and told the driver to drive to the airport.

During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, "Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!"

After a while, a more...

Santa walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk. He staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool, and with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink.
The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink-he could not be served additional liquor at this bar but could get a taxi called for him.
Santa is briefly surprised then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down off the bar stool, and staggers out the front door.
A few minutes later, Santa stumbles in the side door of the bar. He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink. The bartender comes over, and still politely-but more firmly refuses service to the man due to his inebriation. Again, the bartender offers to call a taxi for him.
Santa looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.
A few minutes later, Santa bursts in through the back door of the bar. He plops more...

A man walked out into the street in New York, and managed to flag down a taxi just driving by.
He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, " Perfect timing. You're just like Dave."
The passenger said, "Who?"
The cabbie said, "Dave Bronson. Now there's a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along just when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Dave."
The rider said, "Well, nobody's perfect."
The cabbie said, "Dave was. He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on the pro tour in golf. He could have played tennis with the best pros. He sang like an opera baritone, and danced like a Broadway star. He had a memory like a trap. Could remember everybody's birthday. He could fix anything, not like me. If I change even a fuse, I black out the whole neighborhood."
The rider said, "No wonder you remember him."
The cabbie said, "Well, no I never actually met Dave."
The more...

A blonde and her brunette friend were talking. The blonde says, "I hate all the blonde jokes people say."
"Oh, they are only jokes. There are alot of stupid people out there. Here I'll prove it to you," replies her brunette friend.
So they went outside and hailed a taxi driver.
"Please take me to 29 Nickle Street to see if I'm home," said the brunette.
The taxi drove them, and when they finally got out, the brunette looked at the blonde and said, "See, that guy was really stupid."
"No kidding," replies the blonde." There was a pay phone just around the corner. You could have called instead."