Teach Jokes / Recent Jokes

Jimmy:' Hey, Mike! How's your new pet fish doing? You told me he was really something special.'Mike:' To tell the truth, I'm really disappointed in him. The guy who sold him to me said I could teach him to sing like a bird.'Jimmy:' What? Let me get this straight... You bought a fish because you thought you could teach him to sing like a bird?'Mike:' Well, yeah. After all, you know, he's a parrot fish.'Jimmy:' Now listen, Mike, while you might be able to teach a parrot to sing, you're never going to get anywhere with a parrot fish.'Mike:' That's what you think! It just so happens this fish CAN sing. The thing is, he's terribly off-key and it's driving me
crazy. Do you know how hard it is to tuna fish?'

Note: This is an extract of a National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster, and US Army General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.INTERVIEWER: " So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?"GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting."INTERVIEWER: "Shooting! that's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?"GENERAL REINWALD: "I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range."INTERVIEWER: "Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?"GENERAL REINWALD: "I don't see how,....we will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm."INTERVIEWER: "But you're equipping them to become violent killers."GENERAL REINWALD: "Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are more...

One day Ma and pa were sitting on the porch, when Pa said to Ma junior's 21 years old now" It's about time we teach him about sex".
Ma said "ya know pa your right".
So pa said to junior "hey junior come on out to the porch for a second".
so junior came on out to the porch, Junior says "ya pa whatcha want".
Pa said "junior it's about time we teach you about sex".
Junior said "sex what's sex".
Pa turned to ma and told her to take off her clothes, so ma does, and she does a spread eagle right there on the porch.
Pa says to junior "see that hole in ma? watch this". So pa starts going at it with ma.
In the mean time juniors brother comes out to the porch, he's 18 and says, "Junior what's ma and pa doing".
Junior says "their teaching me about sex".
Junior's brother says "sex what's sex".
Junior says "see that hole in pa watch this".Red

Gumperson's Law: The probability of a given event occurring is inversely proportional to its desirability.
H. L. Mencken's Law: Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach. Martin's Extension: Those who cannot teach, administrate.
Hacker's Law: The belief that enhanced understanding will necessarily stir a nation to action is one of mankind's oldest illusions.
Hall's Laws of Politics: 1) The voters want fewer taxes and more spending. 2) Citizens want honest politicians until they want something fixed. 3) Constituency drives out consistency (i. e., liberals defend military spending, and conservatives social spending in their own districts).
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
Hanson's Treatment of Time: There are never enough hours in a day, but always too many days before Saturday.
Harp's Corollary To Estridge's Law: Your "IBM PC-compatible" computer grows more incompatible with every passing more...

A young boy goes off to college, but about 1/3 way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered
what money his parents gave him. "Hmmmm," he wonders, "How am I gonna get more dough?" Then he gets
an idea. He calls his father.
"Dad," he says, "you won't believe the wonders that modern education are coming up with! Why, they
actually have a program here that will teach Fido how to talk!"
"Why that's absolutely amazing!" his father says. "How do I get him in that program?"
"Just send him down here with $1000," the boy says, "I'll get him into the course."
So, his father sends the dog and the $1000. About 2/3 way through the semester, the money runs out.
So the boy calls his father again.
"So how's Fido doing, son?" his father asks.
"Awesome, dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this - now they have more...

Two guys were out walking their dogs, when one dog wanders off to pee against the wall.
Like dogs do, it raised it's leg and started to do his thing. The second dog then goes up and starts to go exactly where the other dog did. But instead of raising his leg, he stood up on his hind legs, put both paws on the wall and relieved himself.
One guy says to the other, "Wow, how did you teach him to pee like that?"
The second man then replies, "I didn't teach him. He's done it ever since the wall fell on him!"

Two teenagers were walking through a park when they saw two rabbits getting it on, fast and furious. "What are they doing?" asked the girl. "They're jumping rope," said the boy. "Maybe I'll teach you how someday." "I think I want you to teach me now," said the girl. So the two went behind some bushes and started getting it on. When the boy had his pants down, the girl asked what that was behind his "rope." "That," said the boy, "that's my knot." "Well," said the girl, "untie the knot and give me some more rope."