Teach Jokes / Recent Jokes
Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.
Q. How do you teach a blond math?
A. Subtract her clothes, divide her legs, and square root her.
You can't teach an old dog new tricks. Especially sky diving. I've tried.
How do you teach a blonde maths?
Plus her head
Divide her arms
Subtract her legs
Give her a square root
And see if she Multiplys
Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the teacher calls his name. "Yeah teach?" he replies. "If there are three ducks on a fence and you shoot one of them with a shotgun, how many are left?" asks the teacher. Matt answers "Well, teach, if I shoot one of them with a shotgun, the loud noise is gonna make them all fly off." "No, Matt, there will be two left if you shoot one with a shotgun, but I like the way you're thinking." the teacher responds. "Well, teach, I've got a question for you... There are 3 women that come out of an ice-cream parlor, one is biting her ice-cream cone, one is licking it, and one is sucking on it. Which one is married?" The teacher, a little taken back by the question answers, "Well, uh, gee Matt, I guess the one that's sucking on the ice cream." Matt replies "No teach, the one that has the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way more...
A young man goes off to college, but about one-third of the way through the semester, he's foolishly squandered the money his parents had given him.
"Hmmmm," he wonders. "How am I going to go about getting more dough?" Then, he gets and idea and phones his father.
"Dad, you won't believe the wonders that modern education is coming up with!" he says. "Why, they have a program here that will teach Rex how to talk!"
"That's amazing!" exclaims his father. "How do I get him in that program?"
"Just send him down here with $1000," the son says, "I'll get him into the course." So, his father sends the dog and the $1000.
About two-thirds of the way through the semester, he runs out of money. He calls his father again.
"So, how's Rex doing, son?" his father asks.
"Awesome, dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this, they've had such more...
There was a guy who wanted to teach his horse how to listen to him. So he took him to a horse breeder and paid 75$ for him to teach him how to do some stuff. The guy who he paid was a priest and he said priestwords to the horse. So one week after he dropped the horsse off, he came back and wanted to see if his horse had improved. The priest said, "
When you want him to go, you have to say "
praise the lord"
, and when you want him to stop, "
you have to say "
hail mary."
So he got on the horse and tried it out. He yelled praise the lord and the horse took off running. He was very impressed with the horse. He loked behind him to see how far he had gone and when he looked forward again he saw that he was coming up on a cliff. He forgot the word to stop and he started yelling out things like, Hail Sheryl and Hail John, and then he finally remembered and yelled Hail Mary. The horse stopped right on the edge of the cliff. The guy more...