Teacher Jokes / Recent Jokes
The young kindergarten teacher had just instructed her charges to come forward as their names were called and be prepared to draw something on the blackboard that had been the cause of excitement in their homes during the previous week. One by one the pupils came forward and sketched such items as report cards, television sets, mothers' new hats, and the like. When it came time for Johnny, the class cutup, to comply with the assignment, however, he walked to the board and simply made two white dots before returning to his seat. Suspecting that he was up to one of his usual pranks, the teacher advised Johnny that he had better be able to explain why those two dots were exciting if he didn't want to be kept after school.
"Well," said Johnny, "the other day you told us that those dots are also called periods-"
"That's correct," the teacher interrupted. "But what could possibly be exciting about two periods?"
"Beats me," more...
Student: Can I use the bathroom?
Teacher: Okay but first say your ABC's.
Students: ABCDEFGHIJKLMNO QRSTUVWXYZ
Teacher: Where's the P?
Student: Its running down my leg!
Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday School. "Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge, and all the people walked across safely. He used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters and call in an air strike. They sent in bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved."
"Now, Joey, is that REALLY what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked.
"Well, no, Mom, but if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!"
Buckwheat and Darla were in school and the teacher asked Darla, 'How do you spell 'dumb'?"
Darla says, "d-u-m-b, dumb."
The teacher says, "Very good. Now use it in a sentence."
She responds, "Buckwheat is dumb."
"Now spell 'stupid'."
Darla says, "s-t-u-p-i-d."
The teacher says, "Very good. Now use it in a sentence."
Darla says, "Buckwheat is stupid."
Then the teacher call on Buckwheat and asks, "Buckwheat, spell dictate."
Buckwheat stands up and says, "d-i-c-t-a-t-e, dictate."
The teacher says, "Very good. Now use it in the a sentence."
"I may be dumb and I may be stupid, but Darla says my dictate good!"
A teacher asked her pupils to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.
Mary said, "My family went to the zoo on the weekend and I was fascinated by all the animals."
"That was good, Mary," said the teacher, "but the word I want is 'fascinate'."
Sandra raised her hand and said, "My family went to the zoo too and it was very fascinating to see all of the animals."
"That's good too, but I want the word 'fascinate'," said the teacher.
Little Johnny raised his hand.
Since Johnny was noted for his bad language, the teacher hesitated calling on him. Thinking about it for a moment, she thought that surely he couldn't say anything to damage the word 'fascinate', so she asked him for his sentence.
Johnny stood up and proudly said, "My sister has a sweater with ten buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten eight."
A teacher decides to have Career Day in her class. She asks each student to tell the class what their father's job is, spell it, and then explain what they do.
Mary stands up and says, "My father is a policeman. P -O-L-I-C-E-M-A-N. He puts bad people in jail and keeps us all safe."
Sue stands up next and says, "My father is a doctor. D-O-C-T-O-R. He helps sick people get better."
Bobby is next. He stands up and says, "My father is a pharmacist. F...F-R..."
The teacher tells Bobby to sit down and try to figure it out and moves on to the next kid.
Johnny stands up next and says, "My father is a bookie. B-O-O-K-I-E. He'd give you 10-1 odds that Bobby is never going to spell 'pharmacist.'"