Teaching Jokes / Recent Jokes

Meyer, a lonely widower, was walking home along Delancey Street one day wishing something wonderful would change his life, when he passed a Pet Store and heard a squawking voice shouting out in Yiddish, "Quawwwwk. .. vus machst du. .. yeah, du. .. outside, standing like a schlmiel. .. eh?"
Meyer rubbed his eyes and ears. He couldn't believe it. The proprietor sprang out of the door and grabbed Meyer by the sleeve. "Come in here, fella, and check out this parrot. .."
Meyer stood in front of an African Grey that cocked his little head and said, "Vus? Ir kent reddin Yiddish?"
Meyer turned excitedly to the store owner. "He speaks Yiddish?"
"Vuh den? Chinese maybe?"
In a matter of moments, Meyer had placed five hundred dollars down on the counter and carried the parrot in his cage away with him. All night he talked with the parrot in Yiddish. He told the parrot about his father's adventures coming to America, about more...

A teacher was having trouble teaching arithmetic to Little Johnny . So she said, "If you reached in your right pocket and found a nickel, and you reached in your left pocket and found another one, what would you have?""Somebody else's pants." said the Little Johnny.

A little boy was sitting at the kitchen table doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus three, that son of a bitch is five. Three plus four, that son of a bitch is seven... "
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
"I'm doing my math homework, mom," he replied.
"And is this how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
"Yes," he answered.
Infuriated, the mother went to see his teacher the next day. "What are you teaching my son in math?" she asked the teacher.
"Right now, we are learning addition," the teacher replied.
"And are you teaching the children to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?" the mother inquired.
Hearing this, the teacher burst out laughing. Once she regained her composure, she said, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."

Angela was nearing 60 and was in her final year of teaching. She was a devout Christian who missed teaching from the Bible. Because she was worried at how little her class knew about religion, Angela decided she was going to disregard the new regulations and teach some religion. She told her class that she would run a contest. She would give $100 to whoever could tell her who was the greatest man who ever lived. Immediately Moishe began to wave his hand, but Angela ignored him in favor of those in her Sunday school class. As she went around the room, Angela was disappointed with the answers she got. Jane, her best scholar, picked Noah because he saved all the animals. Others said, "I think the greatest man who ever lived was Alexander the Great because he conquered the whole world." and "I think it was Thomas Edison, because he invented the light bulb." Finally, she called on Moishe who still had his hand in the air. "I think the greatest man who ever lived more...

I was teaching my 6-year-old daughter how to unbuckle her seat belt.
She asked, "Do I click the square?"
I said, "Yes."
She asked me, "Single click or double click?"