Team Jokes / Recent Jokes

Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.

If you buy your husband or boyfriend a video camera, for the first few weeks he has it, lock the door when you go to the bathroom. Most of my husband's early films ended with a scream and a flush.

Men are very confident people. My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they're really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.

Men love watches with multiple functions. My husband has one that is a combination address book, telescope and piano.

Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax. Men don't get cellulite. God might just be a man.

Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches more...

An advertising team is working very late at night on a project due the next morning. Suddenly, a Genie appears before them and offers to each of them one wish.

The copywriter says: "I've always dreamed of writing the great American novel and having my work studied in schools across the land. I'd like to go to a tropical island where I can concentrate and write my masterpiece."

The Genie says, "No problem!" and poof! The copywriter is gone.

The art director says: "I want to create a painting so beautiful that it would hang in the Louvre Museum in Paris for all the world to admire. I want to go to the French countryside to work on my painting."

The Genie says, "Your wish is granted!" and poof! The art director is gone.

The Genie then turns to the account executive and says, "And what is your wish?"

The account executive says, "I want those two assholes back here right more...

CEO frequently overheard mumbling, "Eeny-Meeny-Miney-Moe."
Your workday consists of coming in at 10, thinking up Top Five entries with 30 of your coworkers, then leaving at 4.
Dr. Kervorkian hired as "Transition Consultant."
Windows 95 shutdown screen reads, "It's Now Safe to Start Looking for Work."
Company softball team downsized to chess team.
Sudden proliferation of teen-age geek interns.
Your boss keeps asking you when he can "show your cubicle."
Company president now driving a Hyundai.
Annual company holiday bash moved from Sheraton banquet room to abandoned Fotomat booth.
Old Milwaukee is beer of choice at company picnics.
Guard at front desk nervously fingers his revolver whenever you pass by.
Giant yard sale in front of corporate headquarters.
Babes in Marketing suddenly start flirting with dorky personnel manager.
Employee Discount Days discontinued at Ammo Attic.
Company dental more...

"COMPETITIVE SALARY"

We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED TEAM"

We have no time to train you.

"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE"

We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

"MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED"

You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED"

Some time each night and some time each weekend.

"DUTIES WILL VARY"

Anyone in the office can boss you around.

"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL"

We have no quality control.

"CAREER-MINDED"

Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

"APPLY IN PERSON"

If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been more...

Did you hear the sad news? Our team is so bad that our shortstop tried to kill herself yesterday by jumping in front of a car. Luckily in went right through her legs like everything else.

Gotta Take Care of It Now
This fellow who had spent his whole life in the desert comes to visit a friend. He'd never
seen a train or the tracks they run on. While standing in the middle of the RR tracks one
day, he hears this whistle -- Whooee da Whoee! -- but doesn't know what it is. Predictably,
he's hit -- but, only a glancing blow -- and is thrown to the side of the tracks, with some
minor internal injuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises.
After weeks in the hospital recovering, he's at his friend's house attending a party, one
evening. While in the kitchen, he suddenly hears the tea kettle whistling. He grabs a
baseball bat from the nearby closet and proceeds to batter and bash the tea kettle into an
unrecognizable lump of metal. His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushes into the kitchen, sees
what's happened and asks the desert man: "Why'd you ruin my good tea kettle?"
The desert man replies: "Man, you more...

An Englishman, a Welshman and an Arabian are sitting in a bar.
The Englishman says, "I've got ten children, one more and I'll have a football team."
The Welshman says, "I've got fourteen children, one more and I'll have a rugby team."
The Arabian says, "I've got seventeen wives, one more and I'll have a golf course."