Tech Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: How many tech writers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None: "The user can work it out."

Q: How many tech writers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Just one, provided there's a programmer around to explain how to do it.

Q: How many tech writers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None: It should be obvious to an intelligent user.

Q: How many Technical Support staff does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: "Well, we have an exact copy of your light bulb here and it seems to be working OK. Can you be more specific about the exact problem? ..."

Q: How many Technical Support staff does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: I'm sorry, we don't support that kind of lighting technology.

Q: How many WordPerfect support technicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: We have an exact copy of the light bulb here, and it seems to be working fine. Can you tell me what kind of more...

Tech Support
Just in case you think you are TC (technologically challenged). The following is an excerpt taken from a Wall Street Journal article:
1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.
2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer had labeled the diskettes, then rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels.
4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with more...

Dear Tech Support: I am writing this letter as a last resort. Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7. 0 to Wife 1. 0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Wife 1. 0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Hang out with the Guys Night 10. 3, Multiple Sports Nights 2. 5 and Saturday Football 5. 0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1. 0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favorite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7. 0, but uninstall does not work on this program. Can you help me, please!!! Thanks, Joe--------------------------Dear Joe: This is a very common problem that men complain about but it is mostly due to a primary more...

Tech Support hotlines are not easy work, you get calls from all sorts of idiotic users that apparently can't read a manual, or lack common sense. Here is a transcript of just one such case:
Caller "Hello is this Packard Bell Tech support?"
Tech "Yes how can I help you?"
Caller "The cup holder on front of my computer broke off and it is still under warranty, how do I go about getting it fixed?"
Tech "Excuse, you've stumped me. How did you get this cup holder, was it part of some promotion?"
Caller "It came with the computer, I don't know of any promotion."
Tech "Does it have any markings on it, any names, any symbols?"
Caller "Yes, it says 4X!"

Tech Support hotlines are not easy work, you get calls from all sorts of idiotic users that apparently can't read a manual, or lack common sense. Here is a transcript of just one such case: Caller "Hello is this Packard Bell Tech support?" Tech "Yes how can I help you?" Caller "The cup holder on front of my computer broke off and it is still under warranty, how do I go about getting it fixed?" Tech "Excuse, you've stumped me. How did you get this cup holder, was it part of some promotion?" Caller "It came with the computer, I don't know of any promotion." Tech "Does it have any markings on it, any names, any symbols?" Caller "Yes, it says 4X!"

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.
2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes then rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels.
4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of the floppies.
5. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked more...

Tech Support Trials and Tribulations
Customer: "Your sound card is defective and I want a new one." Tech Support: "What seems to be the problem?" Customer: "The balance is backwards. The left channel is coming out of the right speaker and the right channel is coming out the left. It's defective!" Tech Support: "You can solve the problem by moving the left speaker to the right side of the machine and vice versa." Customer: (sputter) (click) Tech Support: (snicker)
***
I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't solve. She could not print yellow. All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled me because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and yellow. For instance, green is a combination of cyan and yellow, but green printed fine.
Every color of the rainbow printed fine except for yellow. I had the customer change ink more...