Tech Jokes / Recent Jokes
Tech Support: "OK Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter' P' to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: "I don't have a' P'."
Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "What do you mean?"
Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"
REAL STORIES OF THE NON-TECHNICALLY INCLINED
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I worked with an individual who plugged their power strip back into itself and for the life of them could not understand why their computer would not turn on.
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1st Person:' Do you know anything about this fax-machine?'
2nd Person:' A little. What's wrong?'
1st Person:' Well, I sent a fax, and the recipient called back to say
all she received was a cover-sheet and a blank page. I tried it again, and the
same thing happened.'
2nd Person:' How did you load the sheet?'
1st Person:' It's a pretty sensitive memo, and I didn't want anyone else
to read it by accident, so I folded it so only the recipient would open it
and read it.'
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I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.' Do you
need some help?' I more...
Howard County Police officers still write their reports by hand, and the data is entered later by a computer tech into their database. One theft report stated that a farmer had lost 2,025 pigs. Thinking that to be an error, the tech called the farmer directly.
"Is it true Mr. (Smith) that you lost 2,025 pigs?" she asked.
"Yeth." lisped the farmer.
Being a Howard County girl herself, the tech entered: "Subject lost 2 sows and 25 pigs."
The tech support problem dates back to long before the industrial revolution, when primitive tribesmen beat out a rhythm on drums to communicate: This fire help. Me Groog Me Lorto. Help. Fire not work. You have flint and stone? Ugh You hit them together? Ugh What happen? Fire not work (sigh) Make spark? No spark, no fire, me confused. Fire work yesterday. *sigh* You change rock? I change nothing You sure? Me make one change. Stone hot so me soak in stream so stone not burn Lorto hand. Small change, shouldn't keep Lorto from make fire, right?
I worked with an individual who plugged their power strip back into itself and for the life of them could not understand why their computer would not turn on.
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.' Do you need some help?' I asked. She replied,' I knew I should have replaced the battery in this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery for this?'' Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.' No, just this remote' thingy,'' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me.
As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied,' Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries...it's a long walk.'
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Tech Support:' What does the screen say now.'
Person:' It says,' Hit ENTER when ready'.'
Tech Support:' Well?'
Person:' How do I know more...
Howard County Police officers still write their reports by hand, and the data is entered later by a computer tech into their database. One theft report stated that a farmer had lost 2,025 pigs. Thinking that to be an error, the tech called the farmer directly."Is it true Mr. (Smith) that you lost 2,025 pigs?" she asked."Yeth." lisped the farmer.Being a Howard County girl herself, the tech entered: "Subject lost 2 sows and 25 pigs."
The tech support problem dates back to long before the industrial revolution, when primitive tribesmen beat out a rhythm on drums to communicate:
This fire help. Me Groog
Me Lorto. Help. Fire not work.
You have flint and stone?
Ugh
You hit them together?
Ugh
What happen?
Fire not work
(sigh) Make spark?
No spark, no fire, me confused. Fire work yesterday.
*sigh* You change rock?
I change nothing
You sure?
Me make one change. Stone hot so me soak in stream so stone not burn Lorto hand. Small change, shouldn't keep Lorto from make fire.
* Grabs club and goes to Lorto's cave *
* WHAM * WHAM * WHAM * WHAM *
from rec.humor.funny.reruns