Ted Jokes

Ed and Ted were standing at the urinals in a public lavatory, when Ed glanced over and noticed that Ted's penis was twisted like a corkscrew.

"Wow," Ed said. "I've never seen one like that before."

"Like what?" Ted said.

"All twisted like a pig's tail," Ed said.

"Well, what's yours like?" Ted said.

"Straight, like normal," Ed said.

"I thought mine was normal until I saw yours," Ted said.

Ed finished what he was doing and started to give his old boy a shakedown prior to putting it back in his pants. "What did you do that for?" Ted said.

"Shaking off the excess drops," Ed said. "Like normal."

"Cripes," Ted said. "And all these years I've been wringing it."

I think we are all slightly down in the dumps after another loss. We may be in the wrong sign... Venus may be in the wrong juxtaposition with somewhere else.
- Ted Dexter, explaining away a Test lost.

One day at the end of class little Johnny’s teacher has the class go home and think of a story and then conclude the moral of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story, little Suzy raises her hand.
“My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road. ”
The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Suzy replies, “Don’t keep all your eggs in one basket. ”
Next is little Lucy. “Well my dad owns a farm too and every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only 8 of the 12 eggs hatched. ”
The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Lucy replies “Don’t count your eggs before they’re hatched. ”
Last is little Johnny. “My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war; his plane was shot down over enemy more...

One day at the end of class little Billy's teacher has the class go home and think of story and then conclude the moral of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story, little Suzy raises her hand.' 'My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, on Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road.'' The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Suzy replies,' 'Don't keep all your eggs in one basket.''

Next is little Lucy.' 'Well my dad owns a farm too and every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only 8 of the 12 eggs hatched.'' The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Lucy replies' 'Don't count your chickens before they're hatched.''

Last is little Billy.' 'My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war; his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out more...

One day at the end of class little Johnny's teacher has the class go home and think of a story and then conclude the moral of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story, little Suzy raises her hand." My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road." The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Suzy replies, "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket." Next is little Lucy. "Well my dad owns a farm too and every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only 8 of the 12 eggs hatched." The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Lucy replies "Don't count your eggs before they're hatched." Last is little Johnny. "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war; his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He more...