Tee Jokes / Recent Jokes

A foursome is waiting at the men’s tee when another foursome of ladies are hitting from the ladies’ tee.
the ladies are taking their time and when finally the last one is ready to hit the ball she hacks it about 10 feet, goes over to it, hacks it another ten feet and looks up at the men waiting and says apologetically, “i guess all those f****** lessons i took this winter didn’t help. ”
one of the men immediately replies, “i guess not. you should have been taking golf lessons instead. ”

This foursome has teed off every Saturday morning for the past three years. One of the guys was a most remarkable player. He would play left-handed for a couple of weeks, and the next week he would play right-handed with equal skill. His one annoying fault was that every couple of months or so he would be twenty minutes late to tee off. One morning, after this guy had landed his second shot just two feet from the pin, one of the others said. "I can't stand it any longer! Jess, what's with switching sides, right to left? Why do you do that?" "Well, I tell ya. Every Saturday morning when I wake up, I turn over and look at my wife in the bed next to me. If she's sleeping on her right side, then I tee off right- handed. If she's on her left side, then I play left-handed." "Aha! But what if she's on her back?" "That's when I'm twenty minutes late!"

A foursome is waiting at the men's tee when another foursome of ladiesare hitting from the ladies tee. The ladies are taking their time and when finally the last one is readyto hit the ball she hacks it about 10 feet, goes over to it, hacks itanother ten feet and looks up at the men waiting and says apologetically"I guess all those fucking lessons I took this winter didn't help." One of the men immediately replies "No, you see that's your problem. Youshould have been taking golf lessons instead."

Four men are golfing one day. The first man steps up to tee and states boastfully "My son is so rich that he bought his lover a house". The second man steps up to tee and says, "Well, MY son is so rich that he bought his lover a new car". The third man steps up and says, "My son is so wealthy that he bought his lover a whole summer home in Miami." Finally, the fourth man goes to tee and he says, "Well, my son isn't rich and self-made like yours and he's gay, and from what I hear, despite my objections, he has 3 separate lovers and from them he just got a new house, a new car, and a summer home in Miami."

A golfer, playing a round by himself, is about to tee off, and a greasy little salesman runs up to him, and yells, "Wait! Before you tee off, I have something really amazing to show you!"

The golfer, annoyed, says, "What is it?"

"It's a special golf ball," says the salesman. "You can never lose it!"

"Whattaya mean," scoffs the golfer, "you can never lose it? What if you hit it into the water?"

"No problem," says the salesman. "It floats, and it detects where the shore is, and spins towards it."

"Well, what if you hit it into the woods?"

"Easy," says the salesman. "It emits a beeping sound, and you can find it with your eyes closed."

"Okay," says the golfer, impressed. "But what if your round goes late and it gets dark?"

"No problem, sir, this golf ball glows in the more...

Bob stood over his tee short on the 18th hole for what seemed like forever. He'd waggle, look down, look up, but never start his backswing. Finally David, his playing partner, asked, "Why on Earth are you takingso long to make this shot?" "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse, and I want to make this shot a good one," said Bob." Good Lord," said David, "you haven't got a chance of hitting her from here."

Woman golfer lines up on the first tee. Slices it badly and she hears a guy wailing pitifully off by the side of the tee and when she looks at him in horror he's doubled over with his hands tightly clenched together over his crotch.
She dashes over, apologizing profusely. "I'm so sorry," she says, "it's OK, I'm a nurse. I know what to do."
She gently undoes the mans fly (who converts his wailing to a whimper) and begins to stroke his todger.
"There, there." she says, "Does that feel better?"
The guy's eyes are still watering but he says, "Sure, but shit... my thumb's still killing me!"