Tee Jokes

Four men went to play golf.
Three of them headed to the first tee and the fourth went into the clubhouse to take care of the bill.
The three men started talking and bragging about their sons.

The first man told the others, "My son is a home builder, and he is so successful he gave a friend a new home for free. Just gave it to him!"

The second man said, "My son was a car salesman, and now he owns a multi-line dealership. He''s so successful that he gave one of his friends a new Mercedes, fully loaded."

The third man, not wanting to be outdone, bragged, "My son is a stockbroker, and he''s doing so well that he gave his friend an entire stock and bond portfolio."

The fourth man joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking care of business.

The first man mentioned, "We were just talking about our sons. How is yours doing?"

The fourth man replied, "Well, my son more...

An Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball on the tee, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.

"Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any undies?" her husband demanded.

"Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any." The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's $20. Go and buy yourself some underwear."

Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she too is wearing no undies.

"Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no undies. Why not?" She replies, "I can't afford any on the money you give me." He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's $10. Go and buy yourself some underwear!"

Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her more...

Golfing Hitman

There are these friends who play golf together every Saturday. One Saturday they are getting ready to tee off when a guy, by himself, asks if he can join them. The friends look at each other and then look at the guy and say,' 'Sure.''

So they tee off. About two holes into the game, the friends get curious about what the guy does for a living. So they ask him. The stranger tells them he's a hitman. The friends all laugh.

The guy says,' 'No really, I am a hitman. My gun is in my golf bag. I carry it everywhere. You can take a look at it if you like.''

So one of the friends dicides to check it out. He opened the bag and, sure enough, there is a rifle with a huge scope attached. He gets all excited and says,' 'WOW! I bet I can see my house through here! May I look?'' The hit man replies,' 'Sure.''

So the guy looks for a second and says,' 'YEAH! You can see my house! I can even see through the windows into my bedroom. more...

A foursome was playing golf on a rather sunny day in spring. Fred was having some trouble with his swing but wasn't losing by too much. The group approached the 15th tee which was quite near a road and he watched as his partners teed off before him. Just before he was about to tee off a car came down the road and got a flat tire right near them. The woman in the car was quite striking so the other three men decided that they would help her out. Fred, on the other hand, wanted to tee off his shot first. His shot was beautiful. He was quite upset that his friends hadn't seen it. However, he quickly changed his mind as he saw the ball bounce twice on the green and roll into the cup. Just then a flash appeared at his feet and he looked down to see a small man. "I am the hole-in-one fairy and I will grant you a wish for your effort." Fred looked around to make sure no one saw him. If he was hallucinating he didn't want anyone to see him talking to no one. "Are you serious more...

There was this basically-good man who died and appeared before St. Peter at the Holy Gates. St. Peter checks out his books and discovers that there is a problem. He says that there is no clear answer in the books on where the man is supposed to go, Heaven or Hell. He suggests that the man go to Hell and check it out, so that he may make the decision himself. If he didn't like what he saw there, he could come back to Heaven. Well, this man had only one true vice while he was alive. It seems he had an uncontrollable desire to play golf at any opportunity. He had traveled the world playing all the famous golf courses. When the man arrived in Hell, Satan welcomed him, but he too was surprised at the man's situation. He had assumed that since the question about the man's ultimate destination wasn't clear, the man would go to Heaven. The man could just see behind Satan a Most Beautiful Golf Course. It had beautiful trees, blue ponds, water separating the fairways, everything. The man fell more...