Telephone Jokes / Recent Jokes

What did the BIG telephone say to the little telephone?
ANSWER- Your to young to be engaged

After directory assistance gave me my boyfriend's new telephone number, I dialed him -- and got a woman. "Is Mike there?" I asked. "He's in the shower," she responded. "Please tell him his girlfriend called," I said and hung up. When he didn't return the call, I dialed again. This time a man answered. "This is Mike," he said. "You're not my boyfriend!" I exclaimed. "I know," he replied. "That's what I've been trying to tell my wife for the past half-hour."

The telephone lineman had been out drinking the night before and the next day he went to work not feeling to good. At the first pole that he had to work on, he climbed to the top and as he took his pliers out to repair the wire he dropped it. So, he had to climb all the way down to retrieve it.
As he got to the bottom of the pole and was picking up his pliers, a small boy was there.
He said to the lineman, "My daddy is a lineman to and he would have had two pair of pliers, so he wouldn't have to climb down the pole after the pliers that you dropped."
The lineman tried to ignore the boy and climbed back up the pole very slowly. About this time he needed a hammer to drive in a large nail, and as he was taking it out, it slipped and fell to the ground. Again he had to climb down the pole to retrieve it.
When he climbed down the pole, sure enough the little boy was there.
"My daddy is a lineman and he would have carried two hammers so if he had lost more...

A young girl who was writing a paper for school came to her father and asked, "Dad, what is the difference between anger and exasperation?"The father replied, "It is mostly a matter of degree. Let me show you what I mean."With that the father went to the telephone and dialled a number at random. To the man who answered the phone, he said, "Hello, is Melvin there?"The man answered, "There is no one living here named Melvin. Why don't you learn to look up numbers before you dial them?""See," said the father to his daughter. "That man was not a bit happy
with our call. He was probably very busy with something and we annoyed him. Now watch...."The father dialled the number again. "Hello, is Melvin there?" asked the father."Now look here!" came the heated reply. "You just called this number and
I told you that there is no Melvin here! You've got a lot of nerve calling again!" The receiver more...

1) Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have. 2) The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions. 3) I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my hand through it. 4) I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way. 5) A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face. 6) A pedestrian hit me and went under my car. 7) I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going the other way. 8) I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment. 9) In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole. 10) I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision. 11) I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident. 12) I was on my way to more...

My daughter called me at work to say I received a call from "Josh" at the bank regarding my account. So, I called my
bank and the operator asked me what Josh's last name was and I explained that he hadn't left his last name. When she asked for his department, I said that I didn't know. "There are 1500 employees in this building, ma'am," she told me rather sharply. So I asked her for her name. "Danielle," she said. "And your last name?" I asked. "Sorry," she replied, "we're not allowed to give last names."

Jugnu singh got up in the middle of the night to answer the telephone.
"is this one one one one?", says the voice.
"no, this is eleven eleven."
"are you sure it isn't one one one one?"
"no, this is eleven eleven."
"well, wrong number. I am harpal calling, sorry to have woken you up in the middle of the night."
"that's all right, mister. I had to get up to answer the telephone anyway."