Telephone Jokes / Recent Jokes

The policeman arrived at the scene of an accident to find that a car had struck a telephone pole. Searching for witnesses, he discovered a pale, nervous young man in work clothes who claimed he was an eyewitness. "Exactly where were you at the time of the accident?" inquired the officer. "Mister," exclaimed the telephone lineman, "I was at the top of the pole!"

A MAN who had no telephone in his home went to the house of his next door neighbour who happened to be the director of a company. The neighbour happened to be away so the man asked his aged mother if he could make a call. "Surely," replied the old lady pointing to the telephone. "The director sahib has gone to his office but I know he would not mind your using the phone."
The man looked in his notebook but could not find the number he wanted. "Where is the directory?" he asked the lady. "Oh, the directory! She is taking her bath."

Dear Bank Manager,I am writing to thank you for bouncing the check with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations some three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check, and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire salary, an arrangement which, I admit, has only been in
place for eight years.You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account with $50 by way of penalty for the inconvenience I caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to re-think my errant financial ways. You have set me on the path of fiscal righteousness.No more will our relationship be blighted by these unpleasant incidents, for I am restructuring my affairs in 2005, taking as my model the procedures, attitudes and conduct of your very bank. I can think of no greater more...

' Thank you for calling Technical Support.'

(This is kind of long... just like waiting for Tech Support)

All of our technicians are currently busy helping people even less competent than you, so please hold for the next available technician. The waiting time is now estimated at between fifteen minutes and eternity. In order to expedite your call, please punch your 63-digit product identification number onto your telephone touch pad, followed by your product serial number, which can be found in a secret compartment inside your computer where, for security purposes, it is printed in the smallest typeface known to mankind. Do that now.

(Lengthy excerpt from Mahler's' Lugubrious' Symphony in C Minor)

Thank you again for calling Technical Support. We recommend that you sit at your computer, preferably turning it on at some point, and have at hand all your floppy disks, CD-ROM disks, computer manuals and ori- ginal packing materials in order to more...

A man had four beautiful daughters in the age group of 17 to 20. The prospective son-in-law was told that he could select any one of the four. The eldest one was a telephone operator. The next one was a bank officer, the third a doctor, and the youngest a teacher. The boy selected the youngest and married her.
His friends asked him later why he preferred the youngest daughter when he had better options.
He replied,' The telephone operator is in the habit of saying "Wait please"; the bank officer of saying "Stand in the queue"; doctor will say "Relax and take it lightly"; but the school teacher will always say "Repeat, repeat.....".

The bathtub was invented in 1850.The telephone was invented in 1875.This might not seem like much but, if you had lived back then, you could have sat in the bathtub for 25 years without being bothered by the phone

YOUNG Pakistani civil servant had just got married. He was desperately trying to find somewhere to live. His mother advised him to go and see the faqir (holy man) as a last resort. And so he did.

"What I'm looking for is a small apartment, nothing too expensive, just three rooms, kitchen and bathroom, with a balcony and if possible a telephone and..."

"Very well", said the faqir. "Take this incense and burn it in a little blue teapot. A djinn will appear, who will make your wish come true."

The young man did as the faqir said. He burned the incense in a little blue teapot. And, sure enough, the djinn appeared.

"Your wish is my command!"

"Well, I'd like a small apartment, nothing too expensive, just three rooms, a kitchen and bathroom, with a balcony if possible a telephone...."

"Is that all?" the genie asked. "You fool! if I had a three-roomed apartment, more...