Teller Jokes / Recent Jokes

During a recent publicity outing, Hillary sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news.
"There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."
Visibly shaken, Hillary stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She met the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked her question.
"Will I be acquitted?"

I man walks into a bank and says to the teller, "I wanna open a f*ckin' checking acount". The teller, somewhat shocked says, "Excuse me"? and the man replies, "I said, I wanna open a f*ckin' checking acount"! So the teller states quite firmly, "If you want to talk like that, I can get the manager", but the man says back, "Go get the d*mn manager"!

She quickly gets up, goes into a back room, and returns with an older, well groomed man in a business suit.

The manager approaches the counter and asks, "Is there some sort of a problem"? To which the man relplies, "I wanna open a f*ckin' checking account". The manager, appauled with his language, says, "I beg your pardon"!?

The man seems a bit frustrated at this point, and he says, "Look... I just won $250 million in the state lottery, and I want to open a f*ckin' checking account".

The manager breathes a heavy sigh more...

Man walks up to bank teller and says"I wanna open a damn savings account" Teller says "thats fine sir, but you dont have to use profanity", to which the man replys,"just let me have a goddamn savings accout." "Sir, the teller says, that type of language will not be tolerated here, perhaps you should speak to my boss." "FINE, says the man, get the son of a bitch."The tellers boss comes over and says,"what seems to be the problem?" The man says,"I just won 5 million in the lottery, and all I want to do is open a goddamn savings account." and the boss says,"And this Bitch wont help you?"

Two men walk into their local unemployment office after both being laid-off. The first man approaches the counter and is greeted by a friendly staff member.
"I'd like to collect unemployment payments please" he says."Not a problem sir," the teller asks "What was your last profession?""I made panty hose" he responds."Ok, the staffer says, "your check will be $300. Next!"The first man steps away from the counter eyeing his check. His friend steps up, "I'd like to collect unemployment payments please""Alright sir," the teller asks " and what was your last profession?""Diesel Fitter" he remarks."Right, that's a specialty occupation, your check will be $800"The first man overhears this and jumps in, "Hey! How come I get 300 stinkin' bucks and he gets 800"The teller say professionally "Sir, this man had a special skill""Special Skill my ass! I sew the two more...

A frog goes into a bank and hops up to a teller. He can see from her name plate that she is called Patricia Whack,
so he says "Ms. Whack, I'd like to borrow $30,000, please."
The teller asks for his name and the frog replies that he is Kermit Jagger, son of Mick Jagger, and a personal friend of the bank manager. Unconvinced, Ms. Whack explains she will need some identity and also some security against his loan. The frog produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant and hands it to her.
The confused teller says she will have to consult with her manager.' There's a frog called Kermit Jagger at the counter who wants to borrow 30,000," she tells her boss. "And what do you think this elephant is about?"
The manager looks back at her and says "It's a knick-knack, Patti Whack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone.'

While driving down the road the motorist saw a roadside stand which had a fortune teller sitting under an umbrella. She was just sitting there smiling and laughing. The motorist passed on by and went a couple of miles on down the road. All of a sudden he spun his car around and sped back toward the fortune teller. As he got closer to the still laughing fortune teller he began to slow down. He pulled up next to the woman and jumped out of his car and suddenly began slapping and beating her.
A policeman passing by screeched to a stop and wrestled the man to the ground. After cuffing the man he stood him up and asked him, "What do you think you're doing?"
After a moment the man replied,... "Well, I've always wanted to strike a happy medium."

While driving down the road the motorist saw a roadside stand which had a fortune teller sitting under an umbrella. She was just sitting there smiling and laughing. The motorist passed on by and went a couple of miles on down the road. All of a sudden he spun his car around and sped back toward the fortune teller. As he got closer to the still laughing fortune teller he began to slow down. He pulled up next to the woman and jumped out of his car and suddenly began slapping and beating her.A policeman passing by screeched to a stop and wrestled the man to the ground. After cuffing the man he stood him up and asked him, "What do you think you're doing?"After a moment the man replied,... "Well, I've always wanted to strike a happy medium."