Teller Jokes / Recent Jokes

A frog goes into the bank and asks the teller for a loan. The teller tells the frog to see Mr. Paddywack, the loan officer. Mr. Paddywack looks at the frog and says, "What do you have for collateral?" The frog pulls out of his pocket a solid silver elephant. Mr. Paddywack looks at the elephant and says, "I don't know. I'm going to have to ask Mr. Larson, the bank manager to approve this." He goes into Mr. Larson's office and comes back. Two minutes later, Mr. Larson comes out with the elephant and says, "It's a knick-knack Paddywack, give the frog a loan!"

Bank Teller This guy walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a fuckin' checking account."
To which the lady replied, "I beg your pardon, what did you say?"
"Listen up dammit, I said I want to open a fuckin' checking account right now."
"Sir, I'm sorry but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank!" The teller left the window and went over to the bank manager and told him about her situation.
They both returned and the manager asked, "What seems to be the problem here?"
"There's no damn problem," the man says, "I just won $50 million in the lottery and I want to open a fuckin' checking account in this damn bank!"
"I see sir.. . ," the manager said, ".. . and this bitch is giving you a hard time?"

A man walks into a pharmacy and says to the beautiful female teller, "Umm... err, I've never purchased condoms before, and I don't know what size to buy."
"That's okay. You can test your size on the fence out in back."
So the man walks out back and he sees three holes. Just as he prepares to stick his penis in the first hole, the beautiful teller sneaks over to the other side of the fence. The man sticks his penis through the first hole where it is gently caressed by the teller. Then he pulls it it out and sticks it through the second hole where the teller begins to suck his penis and give him a blow job. Then, finally, he pulls it out and sticks it in the third hole. The teller takes her vagina, wraps it around his penis, and begins to hump it. She quickly pulls up her pants and scurries back inside where the man is begining to stumble back in.
She starts to giggle and says, "Have you decided on the appropriate size?"
"Screw the more...

A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a damn checking account." To which the astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir; I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"
"Listen up, damn it. I said I want to open a damn checking account right now!"
"I'm very sorry sir, but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank." Having said this, the teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to tell him about her situation.
They both return and the manager asks the old geezer, "What seems to be the problem here?"
"There's no damn problem," the man says. "I just won 50 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to open a damn checking account in this damn bank!"
"I see," says the manager, "and this bitch is giving you a hard time?"

A true urban legend:
A husband of a friend (yes, I know it sounds like one of THOSE sort of stories) went to a local bank to make a withdrawal. Its one of those banks where you take a form, fill it in and stand in line.
While waiting in line, he casually flipped the withdrawal form over and noticed that someone had written on the back of it "I HAVE A GUN: GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY". Not wanting to lose his place in the queue, he waited till he got to the teller and said "Look, some idiot has written on the back of this form".
The teller, not listening, saw the writing and hit the panic button. Alarms rang, cops appeared, the guy was cuffed and taken to a back room and interviewed for a few hours.
At 10'o'clock at night, his wife finally found out where he was (he went to the bank at mid-day) and he was released only after several well-respected friends testified as to his character.
But before he left the cops checked the pile of withdrawal slips more...

I got this joke from a roommate of mine, Keith Brown.
He acquired it when he went back to his hometown to
substitute teach at his high school. Sitting in the
teacher's lounge, they were telling jokes and the
principal told this one...
One day, an elderly woman went in to the main Citibank office
in downtown New York City and asked the window teller if she
could speak to the president of the bank. Upon being questioned
as to why she needed to see him, the elderly woman said that
she wished to deposit seven million dollars.
The teller then rushed back to the president and said that
there was a woman who wished to deposit seven million dollars
and that she wished to see the president. Naturally, the
president excitedly said, "Well, send her right in!"
After the elderly woman and the president had talked for some
time about security and insurance and whatnot, she started to
fill out some papers. By this time the more...

During a recent publicity outing, Jennifer sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news. "There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."
Visibly shaken, Jennifer stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She met the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked her question.
"Will I be acquitted?"