Teller Jokes / Recent Jokes

There once was an old man aged 50, who had a lazy son aged 30. The son couldn't earn his own living, and still depended on his old father for food and clothing. The old man was very worried about him, so he took him to the fortune teller to have his fortune told. The father and son both belie the fortune teller's prediction that the father would live to 80 and the son to 62. After having found out how long they were going to live the son was very sad. His father comforted him. "Don't be so sad! You are only 30 now, and still have 32 years of good days ahead of you." "I'm not worrying about my own age. It's just your age which causes me great anxiety," the son said. Upon hearing his words, the father was deeply moved, and in tears said, "Don't worry about me so much I've got 30 years ahead of me too." "I'm not worried about your age either," said the son, "I have figured out that you'll die two years earlier than I. So whom will I depend on more...

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.LOS ANGELES TIMES, December 9:A man walked into a branch of the Antelope Valley Bank and handed a teller a note demanding money. The man had one hand in his pocket, as if holding a gun, so the teller began handing over the contents of her cash drawer.When she had forked over $7,000 the robber said, "That's enough" and walked out the door. It's hard to find a bank robber who knows when he's had enough.

A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a damn checking account." To which the astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir; I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"

"Listen up, damn it. I said I want to open a damn checking account right now!"

"I'm very sorry sir, but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank." Having said this, the teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to tell him about her situation.

They both return and the manager asks the old geezer, "What seems to be the problem here?"

"There's no damn problem," the man says. "I just won 50 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to open a damn checking account in this damn bank!"

"I see," says the manager, "and this bitch is giving you a hard time?"

There once was a little frog who wanted to take out a home improvement loan to fix up his pad. He hopped over to his local bank, went up to the teller and said, "Hi, I'd like to take out a loan to fix up my pad."
The teller replied, "You need to see our loan officer. Her name is "Patricia Black."
So the frog hops over to the loan officer's desk and sits down. When Patricia arrives she ask, "What can I do for you?"
The frog says, "I'd like to take out a loan to fix up my pad."
Patricia asked, "What do you have for Collateral?"
After thinking for a couple of moments about what he could offer the frog reaches into his little foggy pocket and pulls out a small white elephant.
"This is a very unusual form of collateral." said Patricia.
"I'll have to check with out bank president to see if it's ok."
Patricia goes to the president and says, "There's a frog out there who want's a more...

Bank Teller A middle aged man walks into the bank and says to the young teller, "I want to open a fucking checking account". "Please sir", she replies, "we can't have language like that in here." "Why the Fuck not?" he asked. "Sir," Came her retort, "I must ask you to refrain from swearing." "I don't give a shit what you want," he answers, "I just want to open a fucking checking account." With this the teller leaves and returns in a moment with her branch manager. The manager asks if he might be able to help the gentleman. "Shit yes", came the reply, "I just won 14 million dollars in the lottery and want to open a fucking checking account." The branch manager says, "I see, and this stupid, fucking, bitch is giving you a hard time?"

One day a frog went to the teller at the bank. The frog noticed that the nametag on the teller's shirt red "Pat Whack". The teller asks who he is. The frog says he is McJaggert's son. The frog said he like to take out a $10,000 loan. She replied, "that is alot of money, what have you got for collateral? The frog handed her a little plastic pig. Pat whack asks the frog what is. The frog said, "I dont know". Pat Whack goes to talk to her manager. Pat Whack said to her manager a frog wants to take out a loan for $10,000 and use this as collateral. What is this? Her manager replies its a nic-nac patty whack give the frog a loan, his old man's a rolling stone!

During a recent publicity outing, Hillary sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news.

'There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year.'

Visibly shaken, Hillary stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know.

She met the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked her question:' Will I be acquitted?'