Ten Jokes / Recent Jokes
TOP TEN REASONS MICROSOFT INVESTED $150 MILLION IN APPLE
10. Bill Gates found spare change in his trousers
9. First and last month's rent on empty office space in Cupertino
8. Fee: Steve Jobs to give charisma lessons to Microsoft CEO
7. Two words: Rhapsody 98
6. Small price to pay for world domination
5. Bill to Larry: I own you now, too
4. Jobs and Woz threw in a signed Apple I as part of the deal
3. Best way to assure Gates a starring role in next Pixar
animated feature
2. Easier than bribing entire Justice Department
1. Strategic move: Apple users now hate Jobs more than Gates
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel." I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents." The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5: 00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1. 37." "And that's how you built an empire?" the boy asked." Heavens, no!" the man replied. "Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.""I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.""The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5: 00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1. 37.""Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."
Ten Signs The Police Chief Hates You10. He sends you on drug raids.... alone. 9. He refers to you as "Our Little Mascot."8. The job description in your contract includes "crash test dummy" and "pepper-spray test subject."7. Instead of a gun, you were issued a water pistol. 6. He always tells you that only wimps call for back-up. 5. He lied to you about an "officer exchange program" and put you on a plane to Siberia. 4. He doesn't like to be seen with you in public. 3. He makes up "missing persons" and then sends you to look for them. 2. You always get the patrol car with the flat tire, no gas, a dead battery, and a broken air conditioner. 1. Your locker is also the broom closet!!
Sue and Bob, a pair of tight wads, lived in the mid west, and had been married years.
Bob had always want to go flying. The desire deepen each time a barn stormer flew into town to offer rides.
Bob would ask, and Sue would say, "No way, ten dollars is ten dollars."
The years went pay, and Bob figured he didn't have much longer, so he got Sue out to the show, explaining, it's free to watch, let's at least watch.
And once he got there the feeling become real strong. Sue and Bob started an arguement.
The Pilot, between flights, overheard, listened to they problem, and said, "I'll tell you what, I'll take you up flying, and if you don't say a word the ride is on me, but if you back one sound, you pay ten dollars.
So off they flew. The Pilot doing as many rolls, and dives as he could.
Heading to the ground as fast as the plane could go, and pulling out of the dive at just the very last second. Not a word. Finally he admited defeat and went more...
Josh sent a letter to his folks. He told about a ten-mile hike he had taken.
His father wrote back saying,' In my day I thought nothing of walking ten miles.'
Josh wrote back,' To tell the truth, I didn't think much of it either.
A really horny man walks into a whorehouse, but only has ten dollars. He walks up to the manager and says "What can I get for ten bucks?"
The manager replies, "The only thing we got at that price is some old bag who's been in the business for 50 years."
The man tells the manager that it will have to do and he is instructed to go into one of the bedrooms. After about five minutes the old lady appears and the guy starts screwin' her.
"Damn! he says you are really dry."
"Hold on," she says and she walks into the bathroom. The old lady comes back out of the bathroom and they start up again.
The guy goes "This is way better, what did you do?"
The old lady replies, "I scratched my scabs."