Tennis Jokes / Recent Jokes

While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball, and seeing nobody around, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts.
Later, on his way home, he stopped at a pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change. A girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts.
"What's that?" she asked,... her eyes gleaming with lust.
"Tennis ball," came the breathless reply.
"Oh," said the girl sympathetically, "that must be painful.... I had tennis elbow once."

Real software engineers eat quiche.

Real software engineers don`t read dumps. They never generate them, and on the rare occasions that they come across them, they are vaguely amused.

Real software engineers don`t comment their code. The identifiers are so mnemonic they don`t have to.

Real software engineers don`t write applications programs, they implement algorithms. If someone has an application that the algorithm might help with, that`s nice. Don`t ask them to write the user interface, though.

If it doesn`t have recursive function calls, real software engineers don`t program in it.

Real software engineers don`t program in assembler. They become queasy at the very thought.

Real software engineers don`t debug programs, they verify correctness. This process doesn`t necessarily involve executing anything on a computer, except perhaps a Correctness Verification Aid package.

Real software engineers like C`s more...

TOP15.Some of the myths about marriage... Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. Their passion is heating up. Then the wife stops and says: "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." The husband says: "WHAT??" The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen and he might as well deal with it. So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big dept store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. She can't decide. He tells his wife to take all three of them. Then they go over and get matching shoes worth $200 each. And then they go to the Jewelry Dept. where she gets a set of diamond ear rings. His wife is so excited. She thinks her husband has flipped out but she does not care. She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says: "But you don't even play tennis, but OK if you like it then let's get it." The wife is jumping up more...

Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me. ”
The husband says “WHAT?? ”
The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman.
The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.
So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big dept. store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. And then tells his wife. We’ll take all three of them.
Then goes over and gets matching shoes worth $200 each. And then goes to the Jewelry Dept. and gets a set of diamond earrings.
The wife is so excited (she thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not care).
She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says “but you don’t even play tennis, but OK if you like it then lets get it. ”
The wife is jumping up and down so excited more...

A Yuppie was standing at the country club bar with a tennis ball stuffed into the pocket of his shorts.
A lil' Yuppette next to him tapped him on the arm and pointed to the bulge and asked, "What's that?"
"Tennis ball." he replied.
"Ohhh... ouch!" the Yuppette responded grimacing. "I know how that must hurt. I've had tennis elbow before myself."

Florida State football coach Bill Peterson: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." He also said, "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."
Mike Tyson, about writer Wallace Matthews: "He called me a rapist and a recluse. I'm not a recluse."
Weightlifting commentator Pat Glenn: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing."
Alan Minter: "There have been injuries and deaths in boxing, but none of them serious."
Football coach Bill Peterson: "Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl."
Basketball player Jason Kidd: "We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees."
Soccer coach Ron Greenwood: "I don't hold water with that theory."
Baseball player Pedro Guerrero, on sportswriters: "Sometimes they write what I say and not what I mean."
Tennis more...

One day Pete was complaining to his friend "my elbow hurts. I bettersee a doctor". His friend said "Don't do that. There's a computer inthe drug store that can diagnose anything. It's quicker and cheaperthan visiting a doctor. Simply put a urine sample in the machine andit will diagnose your problem and tell you what to do about it. Itonly costs $10. 00." Pete figured he had nothing to lose so he filled a jar with a urinesample. He went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured inthe sample and deposited $10. 00. The computer started to make a weirdnose and various lights began to flash. After a brief pause, a smallslip of paper printed. It said: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor, it will be better in two weeks. Later that evening, while thinking how amazing that computer was, Petebegan to wonder if it could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples more...