Tennis Jokes / Recent Jokes

How many tennis players does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"What do you mean it was out, it was in!"

A manager has to take on some sport by his doctor so he decides to play tennis. After a couple of weeks later, his secretary asks him how he's doing. "It's going fine", the manager says, "When I'm on the court and I see the ball speeding towards me my brain immediately says: To the corner! Back hand! To the net! Smash! Go back!".
"Really? What happens then?", the girl asks enthusiastic. "Then my body says: Who? Me? Don't talk nonsense!".

Did they play tennis in ancient Egypt? Yes, the bible tells how Joseph served in Pharoah's court!

A man complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor."
His friend offered, "Don't do that!!! There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything, quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10. 00."
The man figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. 00.
The computer started making some noises and the various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: You have tennis elbow
Soak your arm in warm water.
Avoid heavy labor
It will be better in two weeks. Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if more...

Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up.

But then the wife stops and says, "I don` t feel like it. I just want you to hold me."

The husband says " WHAT???" The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman.

The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.

So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big dept. store. He walks around and had her try on three very expensive outfits. And then tells his wife, We `ll take all three of them. Then goes over and gets matching shoes worth $200 each.

And then goes to the jewelry Dept. and gets a set of diamond earrings. The wife is so excited (she thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not care). She goes for the tennis bracelet.

The husband says "but you don `t even play tennis, but OK if you like it then lets get more...

While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball, and seeing none around it might belong to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts.
Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change.
A girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts.
"What's that? " she asked, her eyes gleaming with lust.
"Tennis ball," came the breathless reply.
"Oh," said the girl sympathetically, "that must be painful.... I had tennis elbow once."

If tennis players get tennis elbow, do gynecologists get Tunnel vision?