Tequila Jokes / Recent Jokes

A stranger walks into the local bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar:
FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS OUR TEST!
So the guy asks the bartender what the test is.
The Bartender replies “Well, first you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the whole thing at once and you can’t make a face while doing it. Second, there’s an alligator out back with a sore tooth…you have to remove it with your bare hands. Third, there’s a woman up-stairs who’s never had an orgasm. You gotta make things right for her. ”
The guy says, “Well, as much as I would love free beer, I won’t do it. You have to be out of your mind to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and the rest is even crazier.
After sinking a few pints, the stranger stands up and summons the bartender.
“Wherez zat teeqeelah? ”
He grabs the gallon of tequilla with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp with tears streaming down his face. Next, he staggers out back more...

A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over
the bar: FREE BEER FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS THE TEST!
So the guy asks the bartender what the test is.

Bartender: "Well, FIRST you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper
tequila, the WHOLE thing at once AND, you can't make a face while doing
it. SECOND, there's a' gator out back with a sore tooth... you have to
remove it with your bare hands. THIRD, there's a woman upstairs who's
never been satisfied. You gotta make things right for her.

Man: Well, as much as I would love free beer, I won't do it. You have to
be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila!!

Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, "Wherez zat
teeqeelah?" He grabs the gallon of tequila with both hands, and downs
it with a big slurp and tears streaming down his face. Next he staggers
out back. Soon all the people inside hear the more...

A guy walks in a bar and it turns out it's a private bar. The guy wants to join since it's such a nice bar, so he asks the bartender what he has to do.
The bartender says there are 3 stages. First you must drink 5 shots of tequila. Then you must go pet the alligator in the backroom, then there is a 60 year old woman upstairs who is very horny. You must pleasure her. The man reluctantly agrees.
He downs the tequila and is drunk off his ass. He goes into the backroom and there is a huge commotion and weird screams are heard, he comes out bloody and bruised, he says nothing and heads upstairs. He comes back down in a few seconds. The bartender is confused.
The man goes to the bartender and says, "There, I've just petted the old woman. Am I in?"

Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
The older you get, the better you realize you were.
I doubt, therefore I might be.
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
Women like silent, they think they're listening.
Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
A fool and his money are soon partying.

Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.
To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
The older you get, the better you realize you were.
I doubt, therefore I might be.
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
Women like silent men, they think they're listening.
Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he
will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
A fool and his money are soon partying.
Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays?
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy more...

Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.
To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
The older you get, the better you realize you were.
I doubt, therefore I might be.
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
Women like silent men, they think they're listening.
Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
A fool and his money are soon partying.
Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays?
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy more...

A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar... FREE BEER! FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS THE TEST! So the guy asks the bartender what the test is. Bartender replies "Well, first you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing at once and you can't make a face while doing it. Second, there's a' gator out back with a sore tooth... you have to remove it with your bare hands. Third, there's a woman up-stairs who's never had an orgasm. You gotta make things right for her." The guy says, "Well, as much as I would love free beer, I won't do it. You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and then get crazier from there. Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, "Wherez zat teeqeelah?" He grabs the gallon of tequilla with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp and tears streaming down his face. Next, he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear the most frightening more...