Terrible Jokes / Recent Jokes

Father O'Grady was saying his goodbyes to the parishionersafter his Sunday morning service as he always does whenMary Clancey came up to him in tears." What's bothering you so, dear?" inquired Farther O'Grady." Oh, father, I've got terrible news." Replied Mary." Well what is it, Mary?" "Well, my husband, passed away last night, Father." "Oh, Mary" said the father, "that's terrible. Tell me Mary, did he have any last requests?" "Well, yes he did father," replied Mary." What did he ask, Mary?" Mary replied, "He said,' Please, Mary, put down the gun...'"

Dear Shrink,

It haunted me for days, weeks, months, years. I couldn’t sleep at night. The sleep I got was full of nightmares and visions.

I fought bout after bout, fight after fight, with plagues of depression and insomnia; paranoia! Just the thought vexed me night after night, day after day.

I served stints in mental institutions, was even suicidal. Not even the normal 1-2 punch of Prozac and Zoloft would help.

Who would think that such a terrible and utterly disgusting act of cruelty and injustice could exist? Exist here in the United States of America, the land of the free the home of the Braves?

I could see a terrible wrong like this happening in third world anarchies, but here? The only place in the world where you can buy a six piece chicken McNugget and redeem 250 UPC symbols for a blue, red, and white basketball all on the same day!

I can still hear their merciless, nerve wrecking, voices; taunting him. They more...

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."
"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light."
The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way.
They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he more...

The cricketer was visiting the psychiatrist.

Cricketer:' It's terrible. I can't score runs, I'm a terrible bowler, and I can't hold a catch. What can l do?

Doctor:' Get another job.'

Cricketer:' I can't. I'm playing for England tomorrow! '

Every Saturday morning an avid golfer gets up early to catch his morning tee time and spend the better part of his day playing golf.
One Saturday morning, as is his schedule, he gets up early, eats a quick breakfast and heads out to the course. The weather is terrible; there’s a torrential downpour with snow mixing in and a 50 mph wind.
Defeated, he packs it in early and decides to return home, deciding he can go back out later if the weather improves. He comes back into the house and turns on the TV to the weather channel, which informs him it’s only going to get worse. He puts his clubs back into the closet, quietly undresses, then slips back into bed with his wife. “The weather out there is terrible, ” he whispers.
“Yeah, ” she replies, “can you believe my stupid husband is out golfing? ”

A man was sitting in his attorney's office when the lawyer told him, "I have bad news and terrible news. Which do you want first?"
"Give me the bad news first," the man replied.
"Your wife has found a picture that's worth half a million dollars," the lawyer said.
"That's the bad news?" asked the confused man. "I can't wait to hear the terrible news."
"The terribe news is the picture is of you and your secretary!" declared the lawyer.

Father O'Grady was saying his goodbyes to the parishionersafter his Sunday morning service as he always does whenMary Clancey came up to him in tears."What's bothering you so, dear?" inquired Farther O'Grady."Oh, father, I've got terrible news." Replied Mary."Well what is it, Mary?""Well, my husband, passed away last night, Father.""Oh, Mary" said the father, "that's terrible. Tell me Mary, did he have any last requests?""Well, yes he did father," replied Mary."What did he ask, Mary?"Mary replied, "He said, 'Please, Mary, put down the gun...'"