Terry Jokes / Recent Jokes
Brian: What kind of dog is that? Terry: A police dog. Brian: Are you sure, it doesn`t look much like a police dog. Terry: That`s because it`s a plain-clothes police dog.
"Two Andy Gorams, there's only two Andy Gorams"
- Kilmarnock fans to the Rangers keeper after he had been diagnosed with mild schizophrenia
"I've told the players we need to win so that I can have the cash to buy some new ones."
- Chris Turner, Peterborough manager, before LC QF, 1992
"I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered."
- George Best
"If we played like that every week we wouldn't be so inconsistent."
- Bryan Robson, Man Utd, 1990
"That's great, tell him he's Pele and get him back on."
- John Lambie, Partick Thistle manager, when told a concussed striker did not know who he was.
"I was saying the other day, how often the most vulnerable area for goalies is between their legs."
- Andy Gray, Sky Sport
Richard Keys: "Well Roy, do you think that you'll have to finish above Manchester United to win the more...
Fox broadcaster Terry Bradshaw said that he used steroids while with the Steelers. Which finally explains the mystery of his forehead.
I submit the following. For all I know, it may have originated in
rec.humor.funny, but I don't know. This was sent to me by a friend.
Apparently it has an unknown author.
[Note - Michael subsequently reported that the author is Terry Bisson, it
originally appeared in OMNI Magazine, it was nominated for a Nebula,
and it is reprinted here by permission of Mr. Bisson. My thanks
to Michael and Terry - ed.]
Imagine if you will... the leader of the fifth invader force speaking to
the commander in chief...
"They're made out of meat."
"Meat?"
"Meat. They're made out of meat."
"Meat?"
"There's no doubt about it. We picked several from different parts of
the planet, took them aboard our recon vessels, probed them all the way
through. They're completely meat."
"That's impossible. What about the radio signals? The messages to the
stars."
"They use the radio more...
In Merry Olde England outlaws were the celebrities of their day. At the Sheriff's Court in Nottingham, a Terry Tongue-Tied of Tunbridge Wells was up on a charge of' Indecently propositioning a man of the Cloth in a public place.
His defense spoke on his behalf. "Your Honor, my client is an innocent man. He had come to Nottingham with the expressed duty of collecting autographs of our famous outlaws. He had approached Robin Hood in the forest and asked of him tentatively' Hobin Rood?' to which he had been corrected and told,' No my friend, it's Robin Hood.' Our infamous outlaw then gave my client his esteemed signature. The same had happened later with a Will Scarlet although he had addressed him as' Skill Warlet?' You see Your Honor, my client becomes completely tongue tied in the presence of anyone famous."
At that point the Judge had decided to hear from the plaintiff who had brought the prosecution. "Er what's the name of the plaintiff again?" asked more...