"More football quotes" joke

"Two Andy Gorams, there's only two Andy Gorams"
- Kilmarnock fans to the Rangers keeper after he had been diagnosed with mild schizophrenia
"I've told the players we need to win so that I can have the cash to buy some new ones."
- Chris Turner, Peterborough manager, before LC QF, 1992
"I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered."
- George Best
"If we played like that every week we wouldn't be so inconsistent."
- Bryan Robson, Man Utd, 1990
"That's great, tell him he's Pele and get him back on."
- John Lambie, Partick Thistle manager, when told a concussed striker did not know who he was.
"I was saying the other day, how often the most vulnerable area for goalies is between their legs."
- Andy Gray, Sky Sport
Richard Keys: "Well Roy, do you think that you'll have to finish above Manchester United to win the league?"
Roy Evans: "You have to finish above everyone to win the league"
Richard: " "
"It's now 1-1, an exact reversal of the score on Saturday."
- Radio 5 Live
"Football today, it's like a game of chess. It's all about money."
- Newcastle United Fan, Radio 5 Live
"I'm not a believer in luck but I do believe you need it."
- Alan Ball
"Merseyside derbies usually last 90 minutes and I'm sure today's won't be any different."
- Trevor Brooking
"Dumbarton player Steve McCahill has limped off with a badly cut forehead"
- Tom Ferrie
"And I honestly believe we can go all the way to Wembley unless somebody knocks us out."
- Dave Bassett
"And Arsenal now have plenty of time to dictate the last few seconds."
- Peter Jones
"What makes this game so delightful is that when both teams get the ball they are attacking their opponents goal."
- Jimmy Hill
"Newcastle, of course, unbeaten in their last five wins."
- Brian Moore
"Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer."
- David Ackfield
"What I said to them at half time would be unprintable on the radio."
- Gerry Francis
"If there weren't such a thing as football, we'd all be frustrated footballers."
- Mick Lyons
"He's one of those footballers whose brains are in his head."
- Derek Johnstone, BBC TV Scotland, 1994
"I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel."
- Stuart Pearce, 1992
Jimmy Hill: "Don't sit on the fence Terry, what chance do you think Germany has got of getting through?"
Terry Venables: "I think it's fifty-fifty"
"There's nobody fitter at his age, except maybe Raquel Welch"
- Ron Atkinson lauds Gordon Strachan, 39
"If I walked on water, my accusers would say it is because I can't swim."
- Berti Vogts, Germany coach
"You don't have to have been a horse to be a jockey."
- Arrigo Sacchi, Italy coach, defending a meagre playing record
"The only way we will be going to Europe is if the club splash out and take us all to Eurodisney."
- Dean Holdsworth, Wimbledon
"If the players want to make it hard for me, I am happy to make it twice as hard for them."
- Wendy Toms, the first female referee to officiate in a professional game
"I think having Wasps around here as well gives us that little buzz around the place."
- Ray Wilkins on the QPR-Wasps groundshare
"It took a lot of bottle for Tony to own up."
- Ian Wright on the Arsenal captain's confession to alcoholism