Test Jokes / Recent Jokes

Ten Signs The Police Chief Hates You10. He sends you on drug raids.... alone. 9. He refers to you as "Our Little Mascot." 8. The job description in your contract includes "crash test dummy" and "pepper-spray test subject." 7. Instead of a gun, you were issued a water pistol. 6. He always tells you that only wimps call for back-up. 5. He lied to you about an "officer exchange program" and put you on a plane to Siberia. 4. He doesn't like to be seen with you in public. 3. He makes up "missing persons" and then sends you to look for them. 2. You always get the patrol car with the flat tire, no gas, a dead battery, and a broken air conditioner. 1. Your locker is also the broom closet!!

A Highway Patrolman waited outside a poplar local bar, hoping for a bust. At closing time, as everyone came out, he spotted his potential quarry.

The man was so obviously inebriated that he could barely walk. He stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, looking for his car.

After trying his keys on five other cars, he finally found his own vehicle. He sat in the car a good ten minutes, as the other patrons left.

He turned his lights on, then off, wipers on, then off. He started to pull forward into the grass, then stopped. Finally, when he was the last car, he pulled out onto the road and started to drive away.

The patrolman, waiting for this, turned on his lights and pulled the man over. He administered the breathalyzer test, and to his great surprise, the man blew a 0.00. The patrolman was dumbfounded.

"This equipment must be broken!" exclaimed the patrolman.

"I doubt it," said the man, more...

How you can spot a Canadian, eh? -Don McGillivray (Ottawa columnist for Southam Newspapers)

How do you tell a Canadian from an American?

It used to be enough to ask him to say the alphabet. When the Canadian got to the end, he`d say "zed" instead of "zee". But 18 years of Sesame Street have taught a lot of Canadian kids to say "zee," and it`s starting to sound as natural as it does south of the 49th parallel.

Another test used to be the word "lieutenant". Canadians pronounced it in the British was, "leftenant", while Americans say "lootenant". But American cop shows and army shows and movies have eroded that difference, too.

Canadians have been adopting American spelling as well. They used to put a "u" in words like labour. The main organization in the country, the equivalent of the AFL-CIO, is still officially called the Canadian Labour Congress. But news organizations more...

A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over, the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying “A dollar per point. ” The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $56 change.

Here are some of the answers given in a bible knowledge test
1. The first book of the Bible is Guinness's in which Adam and Eve were created from an apple
2. Noah's wife was Joan of Ark
3. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day and a ball of fire by night
4. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the apostles
5. Unleavened bread is bread made with no ingredients
6. Moses went to the top of Mt. Cyanide to get the 10 Commandments
7. The seventh commandment is, "thou shalt not admit adultery"
8. Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol
9. Solomon had 100 wives and 700 porcupines
10. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption
11. The people who followed Jesus were called the 2 decibels
12. The epistles were the wives of the apostles
13. One of the opossums was St. Matthew
14. Salome danced in 7 veils in front of King Harrod's
15. Paul preached acrimony, which is another name for more...

Three elderly men visited the doctor for a memory test. The doctor asked the first one, "What's three times three?""285!" the man replied.Worried, the doctor turned to the second man. "How about you? What's three times three?""Uh, Monday!" the second man shouted.Even more concerned, the doctor motioned to the third man. "Well, what do you say? What's three times three?""Nine!" the third man replied."Excellent!" the doctor exclaimed. "How did you get that?""Oh, it's pretty simple," the man explained. "You just subtract the 285 from Monday!"

HOW CLEAN IS YOUR MIND?
I challenge you NOT to think dirty. All of the answers in this quiz are NOT obscene in any way.
Vocabulary Test for the Dirty Minded:
What is a four-letter word that ends in "k" and means the same as intercourse?
What is it that a cow has four of and a woman has only two of?
What can you find in a man's pants that is about six inches long, has a head on it, and that women love so much that they often blow it?
What word starts with "f " and ends with "u-c-k"?
Name five words that are each four letters long, end in "u-n-t" one of which is a word for a woman?
What does a dog do that you can step into?
What four letter word begins with "f " and ends with "k", and if you can't get one you can use your hands?
What is hard, six inches long, has two nuts, and can make a girl fat?
What four-letter word ends in "i-t " and is found on the bottom of more...