Testicles Jokes / Recent Jokes

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. Nurse', he mumbles, from behind the mask.' Are my testicles black?'
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies,' I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet.'
He struggles to ask again,' Nurse, please check. Are my testicles black?'
Concerned that he may elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other.
Then, she takes a close look and says, There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!'
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly,' Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely......
A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?

The Pentagon recently found it had too many generals and offered an early retirement bonus. They promised any general who retired right away, his full annual benefits PLUS $10,000 for every inch measured in a straight line along the retiring general's body between two points he chose.
The first general accepted. He asked the pension man to measure from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. 6 feet. He walked out with a check for $720,000.
The second general asked them to measure from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. 8 feet. He walked out with a check for $960,000.
Meantime, the first general had tipped off the third. When he was asked where to measure, he told the pension man, "From the tip of my penis to my testicles."
The pension man said that would be fine, but he'd better get the Medical Officer to do the measuring. The Medical Officer attended and asked the general to drop 'em... he did... The Medical Officer placed the tape on the tip more...

The testicles of a Texas midget hurt and ached almost all the time. The midget went to the doctor and told him about his problem. The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look. The midget dropped his pants. The doctor stood him up onto the examining table, and started to examine him.The doctor put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough, the usual method to check for a hernia. "Aha!"
mumbled the doctor, and as he put his finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to cough again. "Aha!" said the doctor once more, and reached for his surgical scissors.Snip-snip-snip-snip on the rightside... then snip-snip-snip-snip on the left side. The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt.The doctor then told the midget to walk around the examining room to see if his testicles still hurt. The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around and more...

The pentagon recently found it had too many generals and offered an early retirement bonus. They promised any general who retired right away, his full annual benefits PLUS $10,000 for every inch measured in a straight line along the retiring general's body between two points he chose.
The first general accepted. He asked the pension man to measure from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. 6 feet. He walked out with a check for $720,000.
The second general asked them to measure from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. 8 feet. He walked out with a check for $960,000.
Meantime, the first general had tipped off the third. When he was asked where to measure, he told the pension man, "from the tip of my penis to the tip of my testicles." The pension man said that would be fine but he'd better get the Medical Officer to do the measuring.
The Medical Officer attended and asked the general to drop 'em... he did... The Medical Officer placed the tape more...

The pentagon recently found it had too many generals and offered an early retirement bonus. They promised any general who retired right away, his full annual benefits PLUS $10,000 for every inch measured in a straight line along the retiring general's body between two points he chose.The first general accepted. He asked the pension man to measure from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. 6 feet. He walked out with a check for $720,000.The second general asked them to measure from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. 8 feet. He walked out with a check for $960,000.Meantime, the first general had tipped off the third. When he was asked where to measure, he told the pension man, "from the tip of my penis to the tip of my testicles." The pension man said that would be fine but he'd better get the Medical Officer to do the measuring.The Medical Officer attended and asked the general to drop 'em... he did... The Medical Officer placed the tape on the tip of the more...

John got very bad migraines. Incredibly bad. He would get sick and nauseous. After numerous tests, John's doctor came up with the solution"You have a unique physiology John. Your testicles are pushing back against your spinal column, causing your headaches. There are two remedies. Surgery to remove your testicles in which case the pain will be gone, or medication that will reduce the pain, but you will always have it."After much consideration, John elected to have the surgery. Everything went great and the pain was gone. A few weeks later, John was feeling down and a friend suggested that he go downtown and buy himself a suit. John was told about a suitmaker who could take measurements by looking at someone. John took his friends advice and walked into the tailor shop. A little old man wandered out and looked at John and said:"44 long. Your coat size is 44 long."
Astonished, John agreed.
"Neck size 16 1/2". John was amazed and said so.
"I more...

Erik Williams, 21, of the 3600 block of South Michigan Avenue, was arrested in Chicago on May 18 and charged with sexually assaulting (forced fellatio) a 42-year-old woman.
The victim arrived at a police station in the early morning hours clutching, in her hand, testicles that she had just bitten off.
At about the same time, Williams showed up at Michael Reese Hospital missing his testicles.
Doctors confirmed that the testicles were Williams' but were unable to reattach them.