Texas Jokes / Recent Jokes
Texas Motor Speedway is removing 21,000 seats to make way for an RV parking lot. The walk all the way to the seats was burning too many calories for racing fans.
There's a teacher in a small Texas town. She asks her class how many of them are Bush fans.
Not really knowing what a Bush fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raise their hands except one boy-Johnny.
The teacher asks Johnny why he has decided to be different. Johnny says, "I'm not a Bush fan."
The teacher says, "Why aren't you a Bush fan?"
Johnny says, "I'm a John F. Kerry fan." The teacher asks why he's a Kerry fan. The boy says, "Well, my mom's a Kerry fan, and my Dad's a Kerry fan, so I'm a Kerry fan!"
The teacher is kind of angry, because this is Texas, so she says, "What if you're Mom was a moron, and you're dad was an idiot, what would that make you?"
Johnny says, "That would make me a Bush fan."
A woman from Texas and a woman from New York meet at a party. The woman from Texas says to the woman from New York, "Hi! Where y'all from?
The woman from New York replies, "Where I come from we don't end our sentences with prepositions..."
So the woman from Texas says, "Fine! Where y'all from, bitch?"
There's a teacher in a small Texas town. She asks her class how many of them are Bush fans.
Not really knowing what a Bush fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raise their hands except one boy, little Johnny.
The teacher asks little Johnny why he has decided to be different. Johnny says, "I'm not a Bush fan."
The teacher says, "Why aren't you a Bush fan?" Johnny says, "Because I'm a Clinton fan."
The teacher asks why he's a Clinton fan. The boy says, "Well, my mom's a Clinton fan and my dad's a Clinton fan, so I'm a Clinton fan!"
The teacher is kind of angry, because this is Texas, so she says, "What if you're mom was a moron and you're dad was an idiot, what would that make you?"
Johnny says, "That would make me a Bush fan!"
A young man who left his home in Texas at an early age, finally purchased his own ranch in Oklahoma. He invited his father out for a
visit, and took him on a tour of the property.Driving along in the son's pickup truck, a jack rabbit hopped onto the road in front of them. The son stopped the truck to let the rabbit pass, and the father queried, "What in tarnation is that!?"The son incredulously replied, "That's a jackrabbit, Dad, what did you think it was?" The father shrugged and said, "We grow' em a lot bigger'n back home in Texas."So they went on and a little farther on they came to a few buffalo roaming the range. The son stopped the truck and the father again said in a puzzled tone "What are those?"The son hesitantly said, "Those are buffalo, Dad. You gotta be kiddin me. You really don't recognize them?" The father replied, "Well, I guess they're kinda familiar - it's just that we grow' em so much bigger back in more...
1. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not
mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it
snows.
2. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic.
Four men in the cab of a four-wheel drive with a
12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along
shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of
their way. This is what they live for.
3. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals & bait in
the same store.
4. Remember: "Ya'll" is singular. "All y'all" is
plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.
5. If you are yelling at the person driving 15 mph in a
55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road,
remember, a lot of folks learned to drive on a
vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper
speed and lane position for that vehicle.
6. Get used to the phrase "It's not the heat, it's the
humidity". And the more...
There's a teacher in a small Texas town. She asks her class how many of them are Bush fans. Not really knowing what a Bush fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raise their hands except one boy, Johnny. The teacher asks Johnny why he has decided to be different. Johnny says, "I'm not a bush fan." The teacher says, "Why aren't you a bush fan?" Johnny says, "I'm an Al Gore fan" The teacher asks why he's an Al Gore fan. The boy says, "Well, my mom's an Al Gore fan and my dad's an Al Gore fan, so I'm an Al Gore fan!" The teacher is kind of angry, because this is Texas, so she says, "What if you're mom was a moron and you're dad was an idiot, what would that make you?" Johnny says, "That would make me a Bush fan."