Thanksgiving Jokes / Recent Jokes
Hey little turkey! I've just had my way with the bananas, and you're next!
I Am Glad I Picked You
I saw you across a crowded room.
Among all the others that were there,
The lights seemed to shine down on you alone.
I knew then I had to have you for my own.
Willingly, you came with me to my home.
From the car, I carried you & threw the door.
Looking at you, I admire your body,
your well shaped legs,and breasts.
Slowly I remove what wraps,
around your body so tighly,
fitting you like a glove.
Exposing your tender white skin.
From your neck I remove your charms,
and carry you off in my arms,
to the warm water that awaits.
The water cascades down your neck,
flowing over your soft breasts then,
making your legs glisten with wetness.
Droplets of water cover your taut skin.
My hands rub your body, ummmm
running them threw the beads of water.
Making them trickle down off your body.
I place my fingers inside more...
HOW TO COOK A THANKSGIVING TURKEY
STEP 1: GO BUY A TURKEY
STEP 2: TAKE A DRINK OF WHISKEY (SCOTCH)
STEP 3: PUT TURKEY IN THE OVEN
STEP 4: TAKE ANOTHER 2 DRINKS OF WHISKEY
STEP 5: SET THE DEGREE AT 375 OVENS
STEP 6: TAKE 3 MORE WHISKEYS OF DRINK
STEP 7: TURN OVEN THE ON
STEP 8: TAKE 4 WHISKS OF DRINKY
STEP 9: TURK THE BASTEY
STEP 10: WHISKEY ANOTHER BOTTLE OF GET
STEP 11: STICK A TURKEY IN THE THERMOMETER
STEP 12: GLASS YOURSELF A POUR OF WHISKEY
STEP 13: BAKE THE WHISKEY FOR HOURS
STEP 14: TEST THE LURKEY FOR NUMBNESS
STEP 15: TAKE THE OVEN OUT OF THE LURKEY
STEP 16: FLOOR THE LURKEY UP OFF OF THE PICK
STEP 17: TURK THE CARVEY
STEP 18: GET YOURSELF NUTHER SCOTTLE OF BOTCH
STEP 19: TET THE SABLE AND POUR YOURSELF A GLASS OF TURKEY
STEP 20: BLESS THE SAYING, PASS AND EAT OUT=2
The NFL has decided to maintain their tradition of showing a Detroit Lions game on Thanksgiving. Because the best way to enjoy Thanksgiving is with a giant turkey.
In 1620, the first pilgrims landed on Plymouth Rock -- which marked the country's first commercial tie-in after Ford and GM were outbid.
Thanksgiving is the day we give thanks for our cornucopia of plenty.... and feed Aunt Gertrude's asparagus Jello mold to Fido under the table.
A 17 pound Thanksgiving turkey has been delivered to the White House. The Clintons had planned to have a butterball, but Newt Gingrich declined the invitation.
BUTTERBALL TURKEY TALK-LINE' GREATEST HITS'
(or,' Memorable Moments in Talk-Line History;' or,' Out of the Mouths of.... Turkey Trauma Victims')
Over the years, the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line staff have had their share of memorable calls -- inquiries that stand out from the crowd because they're heartwarming or amusing. We asked some of the veteran staff members to tell us their favorites; plus, we rounded up a bunch of our own personal favorites from the Talk-Line archives. Its hard to beat the call from a trucker who planned to cook his Thanksgiving turkey on the engine of his truck ('Will it cook faster if I drive faster?'), but some of these come pretty close. Warning: do not attempt to adjust your screen -- these are real incidents, true stories -- from the front lines!
* Home alone, a Kentucky woman was in the doghouse when she called the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line. While preparing the turkey, her Chihuahua jumped into the bird's body cavity more...
What did the turkey say on Thanksgiving?
Don't "gobble" me up!