Thanksgiving Jokes / Recent Jokes

10. "Reach in and grab the giblets"

9. "Whew.. that's one terrific spread!"

8. "I am in the mood for a little dark meat"

7. "Tying the legs together will keep the inside moist"

6. "Talk about a HUGE breast!"

5. "And he forces his way into the end zone"

4. "She's 5000 pounds fully inflated and it takes 15 men to hold her down."

3. "It's cool whip time."

2. "If I don't unbutton my pant's, I am going to burst!"

And the number one thing that sounds dirty at thanksgiving but isn't.....

1. "It must be broken' cause when I push on the tip, nothing squirts out."

One Thanksgiving a friend and I were walking down a main street in Albany when a man comes up to me and gives me a turkey and says, “Happy Thanksgiving! ”
Without hesitation my freind knocks him out. I asked my friend why he punched the nice man. My friend said, ”He gave you the bird! ”

Things that you should NOT do at a thanksgiving dinner!!

1. Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen, toss it all in the blender, and take your "shake" back to the table. Announce that it's the new Thanksgiving Weight Loss Shake.

2. When everyone goes around to say what they are thankful for, say, "I'm thankful I didn't get caught," and refuse to say anything more.

3. Bring along old recorded football games, pop them in the VCR when Dad's not looking. Make sure it is set to the last two minutes of the game. When he comes into the room, turn off the VCR and turn on the regular TV.

4. Bring a date that only talks about the tragic and abusive conditions known to exist at turkey farms.

5. During mid-meal turn to mom and say, "See mom, I told you they wouldn't notice that the turkey was past the expiration date. You were worried for nothing."

Thanksgiving Forecast:
Turkeys will thaw in the morning, then warm in the oven to an afternoon high near 190F.The kitchen will turn hot and humid, and if you bother the cook, be ready for a severe squall or cold shoulder.
During the late afternoon and evening, the cold front of a knife will slice through the turkey, causing an accumulation of one to two inches on plates. Mashed potatoes will drift across one side while cranberry sauce creates slippery spots on the other. Please pass the gravy.
A weight watch and indigestion warning have been issued for the entire area, with increased stuffiness around the beltway.During the evening, the turkey will dimish and taper off to leftovers, dropping to a low of 34F in the refrigerator.
Looking ahead to Friday and Saturday, high pressure to eat sandwiches will be established.Flurries of leftovers can be expected both days with a 50 percent chance of scattered soup late in the day.We expect a warming trend where soup develops.By more...

Thanksgiving to do list from Martha Stewart...
Blanch the carcass from your Thanksgiving turkey, taking care to remove all meat, cartilage and sinew.Dry carcass thoroughly. Spray paint the carcass gold, turn it upside down, and use it as a sleigh to hold holiday greeting cards.
Outfit neighborhood rats with tiny antlers and elf uniforms.
Deflate your car tires and re-fill them with Glade Holiday Scented air.This way, when your tires get shot out or slashed at the mall, they will release a fresh, cheery scent.
Organize your spice rack by genus and phylum.
When you receive your new phone book, use the old one as a personal address book by simply crossing out the names and addresses of people whom you don't know.

Sarah Palin told Oprah that Levi Johnston is welcome to visit on Thanksgiving. Coincidentally, Thanksgving is about a week after the Playgirl magazine hits the stands in which Levi shows the world his drumstick.

1. Be thankful you haven't been spammed!
2. Be thankful your computer isn't down!
3. Be thankful your favorite forum isn't down!
4. Be thankful you don't have The Good Times virus!
5. Be thankful your server isn't down!
6. Be thankful for a vast selection of Web sites to browse!
7. Be thankful no one knows who you really are!
8. Be thankful someone sent you a cyber sundae, and you didn't gain a pound!
9. Be thankful your 28 year old cyberfriend really isn't 72!
10. Be thankful for a fast Internet connnection!
11. Be thankful no one sent you a cyber voo-doo doll!