Thanksgiving Jokes / Recent Jokes
It was the first time the blonde was eating Thanksgiving dinner without her family. Trying to re-enact the tradition, she prepared a dinner for herself alone. The next day, her mother called to see how everything went.
"Oh, mother, I made myself a lovely dinner, but I had so much trouble trying to eat the turkey!" said the daughter.
"Did it not taste good?" her mother asked.
"I don't know," the blonde said. "It wouldn't sit still!"
The pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout.
Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line. When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, "You're terrific!!! Sign up for the season, and I'll see to it that you get a huge bonus."
"Forget the bonus," the turkey said, "All I want to know is, does the season go past Thanksgiving Day?"
It's the day before Thanksgiving, and the butcher is just locking up when a man begins pounding on the front door.
"Please let me in," says the man desperately. "I forgot to buy a turkey, and my wife will kill me if I don't come home with one."
"Okay," says the butcher. "Let me see what I have left." He goes into the freezer and discovers that there's only one scrawny turkey left. He brings it out to show the man.
"That's one is too skinny. What else you got?" says the man.
The butcher takes the bird back into the freezer and waits a few minutes and brings the same turkey back out to the man.
"Oh, no," says the man, "That one doesn't look any better. You better give me both of them!"
A Thanksgiving Cookbook
by Mrs. Geraghty's Kindergarten Class
NOTE: Mrs. Geraghty will not be reponsible for medical bills resulting from use of her cookbook.
Ivette - Banana Pie
You buy some bananas and crust. Then you mash them up and put them in the pie. Then you eat it.
Russell - Turkey
You cut the turkey up and put it in the oven for ten minutes and 300 degrees. You put gravy on it and eat it.
Geremy - Turkey
You buy the turkey and take the paper off. Then you put it in the refrigerator and take it back out and cut it with a knife and make sure all the wires are out and take out the neck and heart. Then you put it in a big pan and cook it for half an hour at 80 degrees. Then you invite people over and eat.
Andrew - Pizza
Buy some dough, some cheese and pepperoni. Then you cook it for 10 hours at 5 degrees. Then you eat it.
Shelby - Applesauce
Go to the store and buy some apples, and then you squish them up. Then you put more...
December 1
Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Spray paint gold, turn upside down and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas cards. December 2
Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas message for answering machine. December 3
Using candlewick and hand-gilded miniature pine cones, fashion a cat-o-nine-tails. Flog gardener. December 4
Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling in ecru, with mocha trim. December 5
Get new eyeglasses. Grind lenses myself. December 6
Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer committee for consideration. December 7
Debug Windows '2000 December 10
Align carpets to adjust for curvature of Earth. December 11
Lay Faberge egg.December 12
Take dog apart. Disinfect. Reassemble.December 13
Collect dentures. They make excellent pastry cutters, particularly for decorative pie crusts.December 14
Install plumbing in gingerbread house.December 15
Replace air in mini-van tires with Glade "Holiday Scents" more...
A boy goes into the kitchen on Thanksgiving where his mom is cutting a turkey, she cuts herself and says fuck! The boy sayes whats fuck. She says its a nother word for cutting the turkey.He says OK and goes upstairs where his dad is shaving. The dad cuts himself and says shit. The boy says whats shit. The dad says its a type of shaving cream. He says OK and leavs and goes in the living room where his brother is playing video games. He messes up and says bitch, basterd. the boy says whats bitch and basterd and his brother sayes its a name for your aunt and uncle. Just then the doorbell rings and the boy answers it and its his aunt and uncle. He says hi bitch, hi basters. The aunt says where are your parents and the boy sayes dads upstairs shaving with shit and mom is in the kitchen fucking the turkey.