Theory Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three Texans, Slim, Billy-Bob and Bubba died and went to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, they were met by St. Peter, who explained that although it was late and God had retired for the evening, he had asked Albert Einstein to show them around so they wouldn't get bored before they met God in the morning. After Einstein had introduced himself to Slim, he asked: "By the way, Slim, what was your IQ when you were alive?""159", said Slim. "Great!", said Einstein. We'll discuss my general theory of relativity and maybe a little unified field theory as I show you around." "What an exciting opportunity!", said Slim. Einstein then introduced himself to Billy-Bob, and when he was done he said: "Tell me, Billy-Bob - what was your IQ when you were alive?" "141", said Billy-Bob. "Good," said Einstein. "If you'd like, we can discuss a little mathematics and philosophy as I point out the heavenly sights." "Nothing more...

The only constructive theory connecting neuroscience and psychology will arise from the study of software.

A noted sex therapist realized that people often lie about the frequency of their encounters, so he devised a test to tell for certain how often someone had sex.
To prove his theory, he filled up an auditorium with people, and went down the line asking each person to smile. Using the size of the person's smile, the therapist was able to guess accurately how often each person had sex. The last man in line was grinning from ear to ear.
"Twice a day," the therapist guessed, but was surprised when the man said no. "Once a day, then?" Again the answer was no. "Twice a week?"
"No."
"Twice a month?"
"No."
When the doctor asked, "Once a year?" the man finally said yes.
The therapist was angry that his theory hadn't worked with this individual, and he asked the man, "What the heck are you so happy about?"
The man answered, "Tonight's the night!"

My penis is so big, Stephen Hawking has a theory about it.

Q: How many Artificial Intelligence (AI) people does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: At least 55: The problem space group (5) [One to define the goal state, One to define the operators, One to describe the universal problem solver, One to hack the production system, One to indicate about how it is a model of human lightbulb changing behaviour], The logical formalism group (16): [One to figure out how to describe lightbulb changing in first order logic, One to figure out how to describe lightbulb changing in second order logic, One to show the adequacy of FOL, One to show the inadequacy of FOL, One to show that lightbulb logic is non-monotonic, One to show that it isn't non-monotonic, One to show how non-monotonic logic is incorporated in FOL, One to determine the bindings for the variables, One to show the completeness of the solution, One to show the consistency of the solution, One to show that the two just above are incoherent, One to hack a theorem prover for lightbulb more...

Garret Lisi, a surfer and snowboarder who divides his time between Hawaii and Lake Tahoe, NV, has purportedly done what even eluded Einstein, postulated an overarching explanation of all particles and forces of the cosmos. Lee Smolin, a Canadian physicist has called it the most compelling unification models he’s seen in years.

This may be the first time a surfer proposed a "theory of everything" that didn't include a bong and flip-flops, Dr. Smolin said.

The difference between marriage and death? Dead people are free.

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. - Groucho Marx

The marriage of Marxism and feminism has been like the marriage of husband and wife depicted in English common law: Marxism and feminism are one, and that one is Marxism. –Heidi Hartmann [The Unhappy Marriage of Marxism and Feminism]

The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. - S. T. Coleridge

The only one of your children who does not grow up and move away is your husband.

The theory used to be you marry an older man because they are more mature. The new theory is that men don’t mature. So you might as well marry a younger one.

There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage. - James Holt McGavran

To keep your more...