Theory Jokes / Recent Jokes
The Vending Machine Theory: "Stuff tastes better when it falls."
Passed on by a friend at work, origin unknown (but probably caused by a quantum fluctuation)
WARNING: This Product Warps Space and Time in Its Vicinity.
WARNING: This Product Attracts Every Other Piece of Matter in the universe, Including the Products of Other Manufacturers, with a Force Proportional to the Product of the Masses and Inversely Proportional to the Distance Between Them.
CAUTION: The Mass of This Product Contains the Energy Equivalent of 85 Million Tons of TNT per Net Ounce of Weight.
HANDLE WITH EXTREME CARE: This Product Contains Minute Electrically Charged Particles Moving at Velocities in Excess of Five Hundred Million Miles Per Hour.
CONSUMER NOTICE: Because of the "Uncertainty Principle," It Is Impossible for the Consumer to Find Out at the Same Time Both Precisely Where This Product Is and How Fast It Is Moving.
ADVISORY: There is an Extremely Small but Nonzero Chance That, Through a Process Know as "Tunneling," This more...
Tests revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a serious look at their beer consumption. Their theory is that beer contains female hormones and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.
To test the theory, 100 men were given 8 pints of beer each to consume. Within a one hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects...
Gained weight,
Talked excessively without making sense,
Became overly emotional,
Couldn't drive,
Failed to think rationally,
Argued over nothing,
Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
No further testing was considered necessary! !!!!
A Master Thief in London was giving a Coaching Class on Stealing and had students from all over the world. The Indian happened to be a Sardar. After several grueling classes on Theory came the final and decisive class of all, a practical demo. The master took all his pupils to a house nearby in the darkness of night and entered that. But by mistake he overturns a vase. Owner: Who's that? Master: Miaooow... The owner is satisfied and goes back to sleep. Mission accomplished. The Sardar is very impressed. Returning to Punjab, he decides to open a similar class for his fellow Sardars. Does so and follows the same schedule of theory classes. Then he goes for the demo with his pupils. Enters the house of a rich Sardar in darkness, and tells the other Sardars, " These are the various steps for stealing. You just observe. " Firstly, he goes and overturns a vase. Owner: Koun Hai? ( Who's that? ) Sardar: Mai Billi. ( I am the cat.) Owner: Oh, Billi ( Oh. Cat.) and goes back to sleep.
The groom, upon his engagement, went to his father and said, "I've found a woman just like mother!" His father replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?" The high divorce rates in America indicate that the U. S. is still the Land of the Free, but your marriage demonstrates that we also remain the Home of the Brave! The man says: With this ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly good I thee endow. (Book of Common Prayer)The only one of your children who does not grow up and move away is your husband. If you are the best man at a wedding there is always my favorite toast: The screwing you'll get is going to be worth the screwing you'll get. I didn't have the guts to use it at the wedding but it got a lot of laughs at the bachelor party. The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then marry him. The theory used to be you marry an older man because they are more mature. The new theory is that men more...
Any theory can be made to fit any facts by means of appropriate additional assumptions.